Wade Wilson, the Merc with a Mouth, Deadpool, has managed to get himself into the DC Universe. His world soon turns upside down when he falls in love with The Joker's main squeeze herself, Harley Quinn. Her crazy matches his crazy. And you, the luck...
"Well, I guess it all started a few months ago... a client that requested to be anonymous hired me to kill this guy called Zebediah Kilgrave, AKA The Purple Man. I hear he's a douche, pretty dangerous. Master manipulator and all that shit. Guys like Spidey, Daredevil, X-Men ran into him plenty of times, I heard plenty of nasty things about him. He's as sick as Joker. Anyway, the offer was a fine one I couldn't refuse, so I found the location to where Purple Man was at. I was ready to kill the fucker. I snuck in, but someone was coincidentally there. It was Jessica Jones, formerly known as Jewel.
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"Wade Wilson?" asked Jessica, "what the hell are you doing here?"
"I was about to ask you the same thing, Jewel," I snobbishly replied. My little nickname irritated her because she said, "I don't go by that name anymore, Deadpool. Now you didn't answer my question Wade. What are you doing here?" I rolled my eyes as I said, "here to kill someone." She raised her eyebrow as she asked, "this someone, would he happen to be Zebediah Kilgrave?"
"Oh, Purple Man?" I asked, "you're looking for him too? What a co inky dink! Let's hope the Purple Fucker's wearing his brown pants." Jess glared at me as she said, "Wade, I'm here on orders from S.H.I.E.L.D. to bring in Kilgrave by the book." I asked, "are you fucking with me? From what I heard, YOU hate Purple Man's guts. Didn't he make you his sex slave, verbally abuse you, and make you try to kill The Avengers? You should be so pissed that you want to kill him!"
"You have no idea how tempting it is, but I won't stoop to his level, now back off and stay out of my way, Wilson!" barked Jessica.
Now, I wasn't gonna let her stand in my way, so I went in there, and there he was, near a portal machine. Whether he was gonna go into your universe, I don't know. But it was The Purple Man himself!
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"Oh, you're that Deadpool cunt I heard about," said Purple Man.
"Nice to meet you Purple Fuck," I said, ready to kill him with my gun, and by excellent timing, Jessica came in, and said, "Zebediah Kilgrave, by the order of S.H.I.E.L.D., you are under arrest!" Oh, she was pissed as he smirked. "Hello Jessica, how's your daughter?" he asked. I looked at Jessica and asked, "you sure you don't want me to kill this guy? I think he crossed a line."
"You know what? Be my guest," said Jessica, surprisingly calm. I was ready to charge when Purple Man said, "freeze Deadpool!" I couldn't resist as my mind was taken over, causing me to freeze. Purple Man smirked and said, "now, drop your gun and the rest of your weapons, Wade." Once again, I dropped my gun, and removed all my weapons. He then said, "now, act like a chicken." I then acted like a chicken, amusing him. Jessica was ready to stop him, but Purple Man said, "stop what you're doing, and turn on that machine, love. When you're done, punch yourself in the face so hard, you become unconscious." Jess turned on the portal machine, then literally knocked herself out with one punch. Purple Man then looked at me and asked, "tell me Wade, are you wearing underwear?" I shook my head and monotonically replied, "No, I never wear any underwear." He gave a look of disgust and said, "you see that clown suit over there? Take off that bloody suit, and put on the clown suit. But don't strip in front of me, I don't want to see your fugly mug.
"I did what I was told, putting on the clown suit. He handed me that collar, saying, "put this collar on. It'll change that fugly face of yours into a clown face. Ought to be an improvement." I put on the collar, and you know, clown face. Purple Man then touched my forehead and said, "You're no longer Wade Wilson, Deadpool. You're a clown henchman for the Joker and Harley Quinn known as Sideshow Wade. Now go into that portal, and never come back."
"And that's how ya got here?" asked Harley. Wade nodded and said, "basically, yeah." He sighed, laying back. "Whatcha gonna do now, Deady Bear?" asked Harley. Wade raised his eyebrow and asked, "Deady Bear?" Harley giggled and said, "It's my new nickname for ya." Wade smiled as he put Harley on top of him, and they stared eye to eye. "Well then if that's the case, I'm gonna call you my Pumpkin Pie." joked Wade, earning him a kiss on the nose. "your crazy definitely matches my crazy." Harley smiled and asked, "like I asked the first time. Whatcha gonna do now?" Wade looked at the audience, and said, "well, I think it's time I got my suit back. Don't you guys agree?"
