Misery Loves My Company

Me? At the hospital? NEVER!

And, here I was again.

At the hospital.

After about 2 days.

I'm back.

I hate this place.

I found myself and Adam have switched positions in the hosptal game.

Again.

This time, I was sitting in a crowded couch with Neil, Brad, and Barry. But this time Adam was in the bed.

This is getting exausting.

I wiped the few more tears that I had left in my eyes.

I'm here.

Adam's here.

Brads here.

Neil's here.

Barry's here.

We are all safe.

I latched my hand around the white bear that I practically lived off of when I had to live without Adam for about a week.

The scent soothed me, and sometimes it made it feel just a little like he was still there.

But it still wasn't the exact happiness I had when he was actually there.

I stare at Adam, most likely unconcious, or sleeping in his bed.

I could of never been happier that his heart tracker was still beeping.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

It never stopped, and ive could of never been so grateful.

He looked dead when he was on the floor.

My worst phobia is if someone I love dearly dies.

Because I don't want that person, whoever, be stuck in what I experienced.

My headphones boomed in my ears, a sad, old song that they made before I knew them.

"Push me under, pull me further, take me all the way, take me all the way."

My eyes wanted to cry, but they physically had nothing to cry out anymore.

I was just a mess, my chestnut hair in knots, my hazel eyes now bloodshot from not being able to sleep. Dark circles under my eyes showed the misery that I've gone through without Adam.

"So I wait for you to, take me all the way, take me all the way."

I sighed, my frown curling downwards even more.

Brad nudged me, his smile was forced, trying to get me into a more positive mood.

But it never worked.

It didn't work on me anymore.

Only when Adam was safe.

Only when we are all safe.

Only when I have a reason to be happy.

Only when I'm able to continue to live my life.

Only when I'm able cry happy tears.

Only when we are home.

Only when we are on the tourbus.

Only when we are in the past years ago.

Only when I'm able to hold my chin up, and tell myself that it's gonna be a good day.

But, I can't.

Those things seem like they will never happen again.

It's like my happy life is over.

Forever.