Excerpts Of Stories I Could Never Write

Strength

"I dont know if I can do this anymore. I sit in bed or on the floor or at my desk every night and I look at pictures of you,  and of you two. There isn't one picture of me there, and I know you dont care that there isn't. You probably havent even second guessed it once. I guess I am just not that kind of friend. I want you to care about me. I want you to talk to me other than a quick chat in the school hallways when we find ourselves in the same place. But instead I find myself alone, when all I want is you. I want you to be there with me, huging me as I cry, and telling me that its okay. I want you to hold my hand and kiss me and call me yours. But you wont. I am just not who I want to be for you. You dont want me and I want so badly to blame you for hurting me so much but its not your fault. I am the one who fell in love with you. I am the one who hurt me. There is no one else to blame. so I sit there and I cry every day, and wish you were mine. But you will never be. And I don't know how much more I can handle. It is so fucking hard to see you with someone else. And to see that youre happier with him than I could ever make you. Whenever you talk about him, or tell me about him, or whenever youre with him you smile in a way I haven't seen you smile in years. You are so damn happy with him and I could never ruin that for you. But having to deal with seeing you with him hurts like hell. I don't know if I can take much more hurt. It breaks my heart to deal with this.. but it breaks my heart to think that I might have to say goodbye to you in order to move on. I don't know what to do anymore. I was always so sure about what to say to you and how to act and I always knew how I felt about you, but now that I have these feelings towards you it is all just a jumbled mess. I don't know how to handle it. It's like I have no control of my head or my heart when I think of you. My body just takes over and all I want to do is cry. I dont want such a stupid reason to end this, but I dont know if I have the strength to deal with being in love with someone who doesnt love me back. Who you have to see every day."

- Excerpts Of Stories I Could Never Write #15