Excerpts Of Stories I Could Never Write

Dreaming

"I am sitting in my room, staring at the wall, shadows dancing in the corners of my eyes but I don't budge. I fixate on one place, as images flash through my mind.

I walk across the room to you, and pin you against the wall. We smile and stare at each other, not knowing what to do.

So many images of you flash through my mind like pictures in a photo album. Everything we've ever done, every experience we've ever had together, everything I've ever said to you, blazing across my mind, blurring my vision, clouding my thoughts.

Before I know it, my hands are in yours, but you let them go, and everything stops. My smile fades as you push me back and walk to the other side of the room. I can feel my mind get heavy and my vision go gray as my heart tries to set that aside.

I walk over to you and set my hand on your shoulder but you jerk away, disgust on your face and tears in your eyes. I feel a tug at my heart and phantoms sweep my mind, moving to us sitting on my bed, weeping and begging to you, your face turned downwards, then to you walking away from me, and me, laying on my floor, gasping for breath as I grieve you.

I shake it off, and get myself together, setting aside those horrible thoughts. I look to you for reassurance, but you're gone. My eyes comb the room for you, seeing no one there. My body stops but my mind keeps spinning. I grip my head and close my eyes tight, those images flooding back in.

Not images. Memories.

"I see her having so much fun with everyone and... I feel like I'm not there. Not really  there."

Everything plays through like a movie, my heart burns and my mind slows, and I sit on my bed, seeing you there, surrounded by happiness and life, with everyone you love, your dreams true, without me. I see your hurt eyes looking into mine as I tell you how much I love you. I see myself running towards you, trying to get to you in time, only for your hand to be taken by someone else. I see everything I've done and everything I didn't do and how much I regret everything. I see my heart being torn by someone who couldn't even look my way. I see myself being left behind as you move along, and I am left alone.

I guess it's my fault though.

I deserve what I let happen.

I deserve what came to me because I ordered it to come.

I took what I caused, because it would have stayed there if I didn't.

Maybe that would have been better.

But now, I sit here, staring at the wall, the shadows in my head, fixated on the images of what we were, and what I wished happened instead, destroyed."

- Excerpts Of Stories I Could Never Write #24 // You moved on while I stayed behind with all the memories.