We Were Meant To Fly

Ch. 9- Breaking

The boys pulled me out into the sunshine as we left the apartment building. Wow… so this is what it feels like to be on your way to fulfilling your dream. The boys knew how I felt, having gone through something similar, and it was nice having people who understood. I was ecstatic. We ate lunch at a small café and I was glowing the whole time. We all sat there, Nathan holding my hand, and the boys demanded a second by second run through. I told the story. Arriving at seven in the morning, the agonizing wait, at nine-ten being called back to sing, singing in front of a panel of judges, the agonizing silence, and finally all four voting yes. I was going to boot camp in a month. Whoa. I would be singing for a spot at the judge’s house in a month. Wow. Life goes fast. We all walked back to their flat and began trying to decide what I would sing.

“‘Breakaway’.”

“‘Call Me Maybe’.”

“‘Friday’!”

“‘Hot Problems’” I giggled as the song ideas became more and more ludicrous and my worries melted away like butter.

“I know! ‘The Gummy Bear Song!”

“‘The Duck Song’!”

“‘I Got A Pea’!”

As we finally walked into their apartment, I put an end to the outrageous string of songs, “come on guys, knock it off.”

“Ok, well, now what shall we do? I know!” Nathan said, lunging for me and tickling me.

“Stop! Stop!” I managed to choke out in-between bouts of laughter. He then began tickling me again and I protested. This vicious cycle continued for ten minutes while the other boys stood by watching and laughing. After failing to get Nathan to stop I decided to try my only other hope, “please someone, help me!”

“Oh, okay,” Tom said with an evil grin. Oh crap. All the boys then joined the fight, except, they took Nathan’s side. I was so tired after the assault I collapsed on the sofa. The boys propped me up so they could sit down. At first we just talked about what they were planning, and what tours were coming up. We watched random things until a commercial for the X-Factor came on.

“What’s the matter Em?” Nathan asked me. He knew me well. I didn’t want to talk about it though. “We’ll be right back,” he said, dragging me off the sofa and upstairs to his room. “Spill,” he commanded.

“I’m just a bit overwhelmed.  I just…” I faltered off. He gave me an encouraging smile and took my hand in his, “I don’t know if I’m good enough,” I said. I was looking at his bedspread avoiding looking at him. He hated it when I wasn’t self confident… it wasn’t my fault that… I couldn’t even face that in my own thoughts. Suddenly I felt a hand on my face and he pulled my chin up so my eyes were even with his.

“Never say you’re not good enough again,” he said softly, and kissed me. When he kissed me, I felt whole. He was the other half to me, to my heart. He hugged me to him. I was trying so hard, but in moments like this my past came flooding back. In those perfect moments, he still was here, ruining everything. I began to cry. Nathan’s look killed me. He looked at me like he had done something wrong and started, “I’m so sor…”

I cut him off, “it’s not you,” I managed to say through sobs. With that I sunk back into his chest, letting him hold me as I cried myself to sleep. He didn’t say anything, just rocked me. What had I done to deserve this I was just Em. I somehow had a superstar, heartthrob boyfriend and was going to compete on X-Factor. Who cares if I make it far, I made it some of the way. I could feel Nathan’s warmth and I started to feel better. I needed sleep.

As I was drifting into unconsciousness, he laid down on his bed, still holding me. I felt him kiss my head and whisper in my ear, “I love you, Em.”