Dancing with the Boys (Harry Styles Love Story)

Chapter 29: Chances

Chapter 29: Chances

I didn’t realize I was crying until the breeze blew and I felt the coldness on my cheeks.

I reached up a hand and felt the wetness on my skin and I took a deep breath, letting out a soft whimper. We were done. Over. Harry walked away. I felt a heart sinking feeling and overwhelming sadness came over me. It was like someone just took a part of my body, a limb or something, and just tore it away.

I didn’t want him gone. I didn’t want to break up with him. The only reason I said it was because he was acting so crazy that I thought maybe that would have been enough to bring him back to his right mind. And when he agreed, I couldn’t back down. I had to finish what I’d started. I only meant to shock him enough so he’d realize he couldn’t act like this. But it’d shocked him a bit too much.

What was he doing? Was he feeling like I was feeling? Or didn’t he care? I felt more tears seep out but I struggled to stop them. I wouldn’t cry now; I couldn’t. Not unless I wanted to walk back inside with everyone staring at me. I would wait till I was home where I could have a full out sob.

But the tears wouldn’t stop leaking. As fast as I wiped them away more came out, until my hand became so wet it did nothing but smear around the salty water. I glanced behind me. I could see the silhouette of people as they walked past, and it occurred to me anyone could walk outside and see me. I opened my clutch quickly and yanked out a tissue, drying my cheeks and dabbing my eyes, trying not to smear the makeup.

I grabbed a compact, opening it and looking at myself in the mirror. It wasn’t too bad. But staring at my reflection made me feel sorrow all over again. I slammed it shut and pressed my hands against the railing of the balcony and I felt the tears coming again.

Maybe he didn’t really mean it? Even as I thought the words I remembered the cold, unfeeling way he’d said fine, how he walked past me as though he suddenly gained purpose. The exact opposite of how I felt now; I was ready to drop to my knees, my legs felt as though they could no longer bear my weight.

Hold it in Li, hold it in, don’t cry again, relax, breathe, breathe…

I swallowed, ignoring the lump in my throat and repeated the words over and over again. I opened the compact again and dusted some of the powder over my cheeks. Rummaging in my clutch again, I saw the only makeup I had was some eyeliner, concealor and lipstick. It would have to do.

After darkening the eyeliner on my bottom eyelids and covering up below it with concealor, I took a deep breath and squared my shoulders before turning around facing the two closed doors. You’re fine Li, you’re fine. I’m fine. Nothing’s wrong.

I began walking up and down, trying to psyche myself up to go back in. I felt embarrassed, since Harry would see me enter after what was probably fifteen minutes since he left. I shook my head. He doesn’t matter anymore. What he thinks doesn’t matter, you two broke up.

Just thinking the words made my heart feel as though it was breaking.

As I walked all around the balcony, I stopped suddenly and looked up. Why are you nervous? You are captain of Cross Section, a famous singer, dancer, choreographer and songwriter. Nearly everyone loves you. I straightened my back, held my head high and strode towards the door briskly. I put my hand on the door handle and let out a slow breath. Screw it, I’m Lilah Force. I pulled open the door and walked confidently back inside.

Sometimes, over confidence wasn’t such a bad thing, even if you were faking it.

I didn’t glance around, although I badly wanted to. I stared straight ahead, making my way towards Alexia and Rachel where they stood. Everyone was talking and laughing, minding their own business. Apparently you couldn’t hear anything from the balcony if the doors were closed. I was immensely grateful for that.