Hellions of Arcadia

Chapter 4: Broken

"Nothing last forever. Everything changes.
The only thing that never changes? Is change itself" - my social teacher 5 minutes ago

---
Max

I feel as if my head is being crushed between a rock and a hard place.

My vision is bubbling at the corners, like film being melted away by fire. Fire, I feel like I'm on fire. I can't focus on the dinner table around me, mom says something, Chloe responds dryly. But no words, no words. The only thing stuck in my head are my dads words before we sat down for dinner.

"We heard about the storm. Aren't you two lucky to have escaped that?"

Lucky? Guilty.

My stomach churns, my head thrashes. Just as I begun to calm down it all starts again, this fury of guilt. I killed. I murdered people, so many people. And just after I had told Warren I would do the right thing... I lied to him. Something touches my shoulder, tearing me into reality. "Max?" Chloe softly says, rubbing my shoulder.

I look around the table, all festivities have stopped. My parents' eyes on me. Did I do anything wrong?

You already know the answer to that one. The Chloe voice speaks in my mind. Don't make me remind you. I shake my head. Not real. Not real. "Hey, answer me huh?" The real Chloe says, shaking my shoulder. "Hm?" I hum, Turing to look at her. Her eyes are still droopy, and shot with worry. "Stop freaking me out like that."

I shake my head, "sorry. Head hurts." My fingernails bite into the back of my neck, it suddenly feels itchy. Chloe stares at me, I'm not sure she totally buys into my cover up, but she nods anyway. "You should lie down, you can finish dinner later." Without a word she tugs me up.

"I'm fine Chloe, really." I look at her. She stares back. She opens her mouth to speak. But mom interrupts her. "Your room is made and ready, Maxine." She smiles warmly, "you two have had a long day." My mothers smile always got to me. I nod silently. "Thank you guys, I'll talk more tomorrow." I feel bad, really. I should talk to them more, rekindle with my parents, after almost dying in a freak storm.

Well, not that freak.

But my head feels like it's being crushed, my nose is ready to bleed. I guess I shouldn't resist. I nod and allow Chloe to drag me upstairs, "first door to the left." I mumble ans she pulls me by the wrist into my room. I slop down onto the bed as she shuts this door. My head rush subsiding slowly.

I feel the bed cave as Chloe sits beside me, placing her hand on y shoulder. "You okay, Max?" I subconsciously lean into her touch. She rubs my clavicle carefully with her thumb, the gesture is soothing. I close my eyes and try to pretend we are back in Arcadia. I let out a sharp breath from my nose, remembering Chloe asked me a question.

"I'll be fine." Chloe gives me a look. "Really," I say. Placing my hand on top of hers, she flinches. I'm not sure why, it's not important now. "It'll take a long time to heal, what happened was... was..."

"Traumatic." Chloe continues for me, not quite the word I wanted to use, but it fit enough. I nod. "And I caused it, I..." My voice cracks, Chloe presses her hand harder on my shoulder. "Max, no it's okay. You helped me, you saved my life-" She starts.

"But I ended others, so many others, Chloe." My voice comes out a pathetic whine, my mind sinks back into the hole I dug myself in Chloe's car. I can't escape this, what I've done. I killed. My actions directly led to the death of many people. I'm a murderer. there were so many people that lived in that town, some that I didn't even know. They didn't deserve a teenager like me to dictate their lives. I'm a power hungry child who twisted time around her fingers so much she ripped a hole in the world.

Other people had to pay for my insolence, tears welled up behind my eyes, but I forced them back. Something told me that I'll have to be doing that more often starting now. Chloe put her other hand on my cheek. I barely felt it. "Stella, Dana, Samuel, Victoria, David, Joyce." I choke. "Kate."

My friend, my first girl crush. The girl I tried so hard to help from killing herself. And all for what? Just to stab her in the back? Small trembles shook my body, I was holding back sobs. I guess these past few hours I was pre occupied with adrenaline and getting out of dodge that I never got to really think about what I did. Chloe pulled me in close, and I let her. I press my face into her neck, and let out a sob.

"Shh." Chloe soothes, moving her hands to my back, slowly and deliberately rubbing my back. I find it oddly comforting. I wrap my arms around her and pull her closer, she smells like smoke and soap and I never want to smell anything else ever again. I let loose another pitiful sob into the skin of Chloe's shoulder. I let my nails claw at Chloe's jacket, she lets me.

Chloe is my best friend, the only person  I have left. The only person who's opinion matters to me I sob into her skin. And she holds me close, her body a cage of flesh and bone. She protects me from the world, from everyone, from myself.

---

After I've calmed, Chloe and I settle for the night, I drink up everything around me. Chloe lays beside me in my bed, we're wearing my pajamas-they're hilariously small on her, the shirt cuts short, showing her belly button. She somehow didn't find it as funny as I did when I first saw it-our heads touch, neither of us talk. We listen to each other's breathing, just as we did when we were kids.

Her eyes are lightly shut, lips parted. Chloe looks so peaceful, she always has, I don't know how she does it. My heart suddenly swells at the choice I've made, if I hadn't have torn that photo. I would have lost my friend, my partner in crime. Each exhale causes a tuft of her hair to flicker, I smile at her. My eyes slowly flutter closed.

But I don't sleep.