I CHOOSE YOU (Completed)

chapter 23

I spent the whole afternoon crying in my lonely cold hotel room after i left sofia's family home waiting for my flight... i decided i'll fly to Madrid to spend some days with my mother away from all this cayas i keep finding myself in the middle of... how could it go so wrong? We were so close to make it, just one more evening and we were about to go back to Dubai, to our life together away from everything and no one had to know, no one had to judge us, no one had to tell us it's 'haram' or that jesus hate our sin, no one had to keep us apart just because they didn't understand our love or because it has no definition in their dictionary of life and who to say their love is right and ours is wrong who hold the absolute truth anyway? and even if, even if for the sake of argument all the homophobes are right and us the outcast, the underdogs, the freaks the abnormals let's say we were wrong who are we harming but ourselves? Who's getting hurt by our love and happiness? Who's family value is shacked by our kind of family? Who's getting divorced because two soulmates somewhere are exchanging vows wearing two fashionable tuxidos or two gorgeous wedding dresses? Who's less of a man or less of a woman because some girl or boy somewhere need to match their physical appearances with who they are in the inside? Who in the name of love would end up in Hell if Hell does exist? And who would be cast to the fires of it for someone else's sin? People if all of us gays, lesbians, queers, transgenders, bisexuals and all those in between if we were all going to Hell there would be no place left for you so don't worry live your lives and let us live ours...

I am angry at the world, i am angry at every culture, religion or tradition that's keeping two people away from each other because it's easier to keep going with what we inherit from our society beliefs than to change it and make it grow and evolve to much our lives. I remember one professor once told me after an argument i had with a homophobe now gay class mate that if all kind of homosexuals came out the world would never be the same. Think about it... the people around you that were actually brave to live up to their truth are just 1% of us.

The fast nervous knock on the door pulled me out of my universal thoughts of anger and i just dragged myself to answer it.

As soon as i opened the door a slap to my face, did i just got slapped? Someone just slapped me and that someone is one angry moroccan queen...

V- what the fuck Sofia

S- what the fuck? You want to know what the fuck? You are a coward...

She was saying that as she stormed into the room breaking everything she could reach... this girl have some anger issues

V- stop, stoooooppppp i'll have to pay for that

S- good that will teach you something maybe pay for some balls also... coward

As she threw the remotecontrol at me and i was hopelessly trying to tame her arms from reaching anything else and break it... bad idea. She now have me to break and hit and slap and shout at with every possible profanity and i just let her do, i figured she needed to get it out before we have THE talk.

S- vicky you promised me! You accepted my dare and at the first turn you just dropped me...

She was right in a sense i mean, apart from the crying and the nonsense anger at the world i didn't do much, even Alexander 'the great' put up a better fight than i did. I didn't even put up a fight.

S- i knew all of this will happen, i asked you to be patient but nooooooo miss crazy has to do it her way and run away as usual

V- i... i di..

S- shut up.... My wedding, my family, my religion, my culture even what that ass Alex said, i had it all coming when i chose you i knew it when i told him and i didn't care. I thought i'll always have you and i didn't mind the fight but...

V- but nothing, i just couldn't hurt your mother in that way or your father or... or have you losing them for me. I would die if i lose my mum

S- okay, set this like your brain ringtone girl, my mum is not yours, my dad is not yours and i am... I AM the only one that's yours. got it crazy?

Saying that she sat at the now flipped over bed mattress and looked at me...

S- have you been crying?

V- it hurts to let you go sofie

S- then stop, stop letting me go woman. Am tired of being pushed away. Please...

I couldn't come up with something to say fast enough so she went on

S- just hold on to me vicky, even if that means i'll lose everyone and everything you are all i need.

I was tired too.

I crushed next to her in the middle of the messy room put my head on her chest and closed my eyes. This is the first time she was the one holding me and not the other way around. It's the first time i let myself be taking care of by her and not the opposite and as she kissed my forehead i told her i had to go.