Valerie 🥀 • jb x bh

one

Justin

I miss you,
you know that.

I didn't mean to hurt you,
you know that.

I love you,

you know that right?

tell me is this over yet?
do you forgive me yet?

I know I don't deserve it,
but maybe if you stayed for just a minute more,
you'd be here in my arms, happier than ever.

And I wouldn't be up so late,

spilling words and tears.

I stared at my notebook and then glanced at the watch, 2am. I huffed and let go of the pen I was gripping onto. I rubbed my face with my cold palms before slumping down in my chair.

I looked up at the ceiling, plain and white. Mom always asks me why is there no Chandelier up there when I love chandeliers so much.

But this roof, is my little secret and my escape.

I pressed the round button under my study table and a loud shifting noise was made as the white ceiling slowly rolled out like the sun roof of my car and revealed the sea of stars above. 

There used to be a time, I'd smile at the sight. 

We'd smile at the sight.

But now, its just another reminder of how far she has gone, how unreachable she is. But somehow, with this roof apart, I feel closer to her.

As if I'm watching her and she's looking right back at me.

I let out a deep breath and closed my eyes. Replaying the past days events just in case I was forgetting something.

Today wasn't a rough day, there wasn't too much work either. I remember dad telling me something about a dinner...

Oh shoot, the dinner.

The dinner with our new business partner and his family tomorrow at the restaurant. 

God, I'm going to have to spend another night faking smiles and acting like I'm so darn happy. But thank God Ava would be there too, at least it will be a little less boring without her.

Ava is my five years younger sister, one of the very few people I adore.

I'm not really open with expressing my love to her, but she knows that I love her.

I wish I could somehow show that to mom and dad too, but expressing emotions in not something I'm very good at.

-----

I walked inside my huge closet and the lights turned on automatically and I walked to the section where all the clothes for special occasions like business parties and dinners were neatly arranged.

I picked out a black Armani suit, it was a little shiny but not too much and grabbed a white, fitting dress shirt for underneath.

I stripped off my clothes until I was left in nothing but my black CK boxers. I put on the shirt first and buttoned up until the top four buttons were left open. I then put on the black trousers and the suit.

I decided to button up one more button of the shirt but left the rest open to give it a formal but still casual look.

I gelled my long floppy hair back in a sleek hairdo so I do not look like the mess on the outside like I'm on the inside and then sprayed the cologne.