Valerie 🥀 • jb x bh

twenty two

Valerie

"Shit, I gotta pee" Justin mumbled while I was in the middle of teaching him how to milly rock. I laughed as I watched him run to the bathroom.

I sat down on the edge of the bed and waited for him. I was looking around casually and my eyes landed on his poem notebook that was lying on his study. I smiled and walked to his study. I wonder if he's written something new for me.

I picked up the notebook and without reading any other poems no matter how bad I wanted to read them, I skipped to the blank pages and turned them back around until I found the last poem I read. To my surprise there were two new poems.

The first was untitled and I was about to read it when Justin came in front of me and snatched the book away before slamming it on the desk making me gasp.

"How many times have I told you not to touch the book!" He said angrily.

"I-I was just reading the poems about me, I didn't read anything else" I said.

"Valerie I will show you the poems when I finish them, don't ever touch the book again" He said and waited for me to answer and I nodded.

"I'm gonna go get a beer" He mumbled and went downstairs.

I looked down at the book and sighed.

I can't keep running from this feeling anymore. I constantly keep feeling that he's still stuck with Eve and I have no idea what happened between them but it always feels like he's still in love and a part of him is always with her even when he's with me.

But I can't even go talk to him about it, he gets so angry it scares me so much. But I just get too scared because of my experience with Christian. I'm probably overthinking this but I can't get the thought out of my head.

I should probably go home now, he's mad at me anyways. Its better to be alone in my room than be ignored by my boyfriend the whole night.

I grabbed my bag and strapped it to my shoulder before walking down the stairs. I found him sitting on the couch in the living while sipping on the beer.

"Hey, I better get going now, mom needs me home" I lied and he looked at me.

His face gave nothing away, it was so opaque that I couldn't make out if he's still mad or not.

"Mom?" He asked and I nodded.

"Yeah, she needs help with some....stuff" I said, unable to come up with something.

"You do realize that you're a horrible liar right?" He said and I exhaled deeply.

"Yeah, okay, I'm sorry, mom doesn't need me, but I think I should go home now, I've been here for two days" I said and he stood up to stand in front of me.

I still couldn't tell what he was feeling right now.

"I upset you right?" He said and I finally realized her wasn't angry anymore.

"What? No, I just really think I should go home and I'm sorry for what happened earlier, I promise it won't happen again" I said and he shook his head and grabbed both my hands in his.

"No, don't be. I'm sorry for snapping at you like that. Val....I know we're in a relationship now and we aren't supposed to keep secrets from each other but the problem here is we have so many things unspoken between us" He said and I licked my lips and nodded.

He was right, there's so much that I need to know and he needs to know.

"And that diary is just....its full of someone I loved in the past and I don't want you to read all that because you're my present...." He trailed off.