Five months had passed and Josh is no longer hurt and is doing way better. We both still work at the same store. He and I have built a stronger bond. I love him more than ever but I still don't know if he's straight.
"Do you want to go to the beach when the when we get off of work?" I nodded, we only get off of work in 15 minutes. "Lets skate around then go to the beach?" He nodded as well. I helped him clean up then we closed the store because Josh is on closing duty.
We always carry our swim suits and towels in the backpacks we bring to work just in case we decide to go to the beach. We skated around and talked about how his mom almost burned the house down while making pasta. "You guys are all safe though, right?". "Yeah the fire alarm went off and the security guard was near my mom when it happened so he got her so she wouldn't get burned.". "Oh good.". "Yeah.
I put my swimming trunks on then ran to the beach to meet up with Josh. "The water is finally warm!" I dipped the bottom half of my body in the salty water. Me and Josh splashed in the water for a bit. We saw down on a rock in the water to rest. His salty lips looked so red and plump. I could just drop a kiss. He looked and me then I leaned in and kissed him he didn't respond. His lips were softer then I expected. I could stay like his forever. I wanted this to be ok. I broke the kiss "Josh I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to um. I'm so sorry." I blushed and started to walk towards the shore. "Tyler?". "Mhm". "Do you like me?". I froze then turned to face towards him "it's complicated." He looked at me and said "you know I'm straight right?" Those are words I hoped never came out of Josh's mouth. "Yeah I know and I'm sorry. I have to go." I grabbed my stuff and skated back home. In the distance I heard Josh scream "Tyler!" I didn't turn back. When I got home I changed into my night gown and I felt tears rush down my face. I was so stupid to even do that. I hate myself.
I grabbed a razor and cut threw a piece of my skin on my arm. I haven't felt this type of pain in two years. It kind of felt good. My phone ringed. It ringed for an hour straight but I didn't pick up. I knew it was Josh. I fell asleep crying about how stupid I was.
I woke up with red swollen eyes. I checked my phone and saw many missed calls from Josh
Josh: Can we please talk?
Tyler: what
Josh: look I forgive you I know you didn't mean it can we just pretend like it didn't happen?
Tyler: I hoped you would say that.
Josh: you are a great friend and I don't want to loose you so we'll just pretend that didn't happen ok?
Tyler: ok
Josh: see you tomorrow Ty.
Tyler: see you tomorrow.
How can I pretend like it just didn't happen? I love Josh and I won't ever forget it.
