Noyadé

What's A Blade

What's a blade, what's a blade to you?

I see her carving the table with a blade,

I see the scars she leaves on the table,

And I wonder, if her palms went through the same damage.

MY MOTHER USED TO TELL ME SHE LOVES ME

MY MOTHER USED TO LET ME CRY

MY MOTHER CAN'T HIDE MY BLADES

M Y M O T H E R I S D E A D

I'm in that sad mood,

But I can't do something to hate myself,

I don't give myself the opportunity,

To hate myself.

Answer my phone calls,

Stop ignoring me,

You've made it your mission to implant your name in me,

I can't easily carve you out.

I miss you,

I miss you,

I miss you,

I miss you,

And our 131 days that weren't poisonous.

I need you,

I need you,

I need you,

I need you,

Do you think of me?

Do you think of me?

Do you cut again?

Are you on drugs again?

Are you suicidal again?

Do you drink again?

Do you say my name without cringing?

Do you say it without smiling?

Do you do it with a frown?

Do you say it at all?

What's a blade to you?

What's a blade to me?

When I think of you,

That's a blade to me.

When they say your name,

That's a blade to me.

When I see your twin,

That's a blade to me,

When I see you're not hurting like I am,

That's a blade to me.

When I think of all your empty promises,

That's a blade to me.

That henna tattoo they made me get the day we broke up,

That's a scar on me.

My arms,

That's a blade to me,

You,

You are a blade to me.

I want to hate you,

I want to hate you so much,

I want to stop thinking of you,

But I'm so caught up on hating you, it starts all over again.

Do you think of me?

Do I cross your mind?

Why is it when you answer the phone you sound happy,

But when you hear my voice you sound sad, tired, angry?

You said there was nothing I did,

I don't care,

I don't want to love you,

But why do I still do it?

Don't you see,

If you're working so hard to get rid of me,

Give me my damn apology,

And I'll leave you alone.

Are you getting a kick out of me chasing after you?

Are you getting a kick out of me being angry?

After me crying and hurting?

I know you don't care.

I want to hurt you.

I have been off my meds for a few weeks.

I don't want things to be okay between us.

I want to be your living nightmare.

I want you to walk out your house,

I want you to find your walls graffitied,

I want you to cry in despair because I'm everywhere.

I want you to h u r t t o o .

Give

Me

My

Apology

I don't care about your compliments,

They're long forgotten.

I never took in any your truths,

But I breathed in all your lies.

And that's why I want my apology.

I want you to apologize for giving me hope,

For making me happy,

F O R L Y I N G.

What is a blade to you?

I hope one day it's me.

Because a blade to me,

Is 131 days of you.