Hurt But Not Broken

Chp 19 ~ Despondent

Leonardo's POV

I stared at the hand I was holding. You'd think that we'd all feel super-okay and safe now that we were at home... but Donnie is jumpy at the slightest noises and nearly had another panic attack when he thought about our baby brother not waking up. He was being paranoid and I can't exactly fault him for it. Sensei literally had to pry Donnie out of Mikey's room by picking him up. Currently, Sensei is calming him in his room.

Raph is very quiet and it's really worrying me, almost more than Mikey and Donnie. Raph's not really a quiet person and is rather loud, like Mikey but as soon as we set up Mikey in his bed Raph had kinda shut down. He has not talked since then nor has he come to visit Mikey, unlike Donnie.

Sensei is very wary and suspicious of sounds though he can control it easily. The only reason I've noticed is that I have nothing else to do but think, observe, and watch my brothers, namely Mikey. As soon as Sensei took Donnie I haven't left Mikey's side. I was determined to be here when my baby brother woke up.

I felt weak and I don't just mean emotionally. I was hungry yet I wasn't. I didn't want to eat... I didn't even wanna move. My hands were shaking as I held Mikey's hands but I still didn't want to do anything but sit there, waiting for him to wake up. I couldn't help but blame myself for this.

Mikey wouldn't have panicked if he didn't have to face Fishface. Wouldn't have panicked if I left him and Donnie alone to be attacked. Wouldn't have passed out in a freak panic if I had protected Sensei and Raph better. I was still such a terrible leader and the choice to leave them made me the worst brother. Even worse than that would have to be that I could tell Mikey being out of it and Don freaking out was taking a piece out of Raph every time he looked at them.

I sighed as I hung my head low and clenched Mikey's hand. We should be alright now. We were safe at home. In the lair. Where we grew up. Yet why did it feel like we could be attacked at any second? Was I always going to be this paranoid now? What about Donnie, Raph, and Mikey? Would they always be angry, scared, or sad? I hated that I couldn't answer any of these questions.

"Nugh..."

My eyes widened and my head snapped up to find a pair of baby blues staring into my cobalt eyes. Mikey blinked sluggishly for a few moments before his face twisted into surprised alarm and I had to put my hand on his chest gently to calm him now. "Leo!"

"Shh... Mikey, you're okay!" I soothed and freaked out when he continued to struggle against my weight but could hardly move let alone lift his head up all the way. "Calm down, Mikey!"

"But- but Leo, Sensei- he's-"

"He's okay, Mikey. It was just a small flesh wound, that's all. It stopped bleeding a long time ago and it's bandaged now promise," I practically whispered as I rubbed my baby brother's hand in circles. He took a shaky breath and looked around his room in a mild panic.

"L-Leo, where's Donnie? What about Raph? And why are you hurt?" Mikey was looking more distressed by the minute so I mustered up my confidence and got on the bed in front of him, careful of his leg, and pulled his freckled face in both of my hands.

"Donnie's with Sensei, Raph is in his room, and I'm not hurt," I replied without sparing details. I didn't know how fragile Mikey was at the moment and I would not be the one to set him off again. It's bad enough with Donnie as it is so I don't need Mikey having panic attacks as well.

Mikey looked hesitant and unsure. "You've got bruises though..."

Inwardly I almost panicked. Do I tell him the truth? I'll go with the "honeyed" truth for now. "It was just Tigerclaw, but he didn't do much to me."