Hurt But Not Broken

Chp 14 ~ Pull it together

Raphael's P.O.V

My head was swimming by the time I sat by Casey. I was so lost, confused, hurt and most of all angry. What was Leo's problem? He just suddenly brushed us off like he didn't want to be touched by us!

I tried not to curse in front of everyone when a sharp pain erupted in my plastron. I stilled instantly and Casey didn't seem to notice. That rainbow shirt of his is really starting to make my head hurt.

"Whatcha starin' at?" He smirked in my face and I glared angrily. I looked behind him and tried to ignore the room that was sort of wavy at the moment.

"You, ya noodlehead," I grumbled and he laughed out loud. In the corner of my eye, I saw Donnie with Mikey and Sensei was sitting in a chair beside Leo, who has still turned away from us. I glared at the slightly blurry image of him and opened my mouth to say something... only to have a huge gasp interrupt me. I turned with slightly wide eyes and my head pounded in my skull but I didn't care. April and Splinter were up in a second in alarm as Donnie stared at Mikey in wonder. I blinked stupidly.

"He just twitched in my hand! I felt it!" Donnie stood with a happy grin on his face before he clumsily fell back into the chair. My heart beat fast in my chest.

"HUH?" I cried as I tried to get up but all I accomplished was sitting. "Don? Don!"

"Mikey actually twitched Raphie!" Donnie cried actual tears of joy. My breath left me in a heavy whoosh and I physically fell back on Casey who yelped in surprise. I looked to see Sensei dart past us to go to Mikey and Don, who was currently being held up by April.

While doing that I had noticed that Leo's form had not changed at the great news. I gawked at him in disbelief so hard that my eyes began to hurt and almost water. I didn't even know that Casey was comforting me in his own stupid happy way before I had slowly stood up.

"Raph?" Casey questioned in surprise. I took two uneasy clumsy strides towards my older brother and glared down at his form. He did not turn but I knew he knew I was there. It pissed me off even more.

"Ya hear that Leo? Our baby brother is okay! And yer not even gonna look for yourself or I don't know... look to see if Don was okay?" I shouted, startling everyone in the room. I hadn't meant to shout but my mind made me do it anyway. I hated feeling this vulnerable and exposed. Hated that this "LSD" made me feel and act like this. I felt like a constant drunken fool. "Hey, I'm talkin' ta ya!"

"Raphael-"

"Why aren't ya even lookin' at us all of a sudden?" I demanded, interrupting Sensei with an increasingly rising voice. I felt a random panic just then. Leo was not talking to us. Maybe he was ashamed of us...ashamed that we were so weak. Or...or maybe he hated us now? Maybe something Shredder did make him hate us? I never thought Shredder could make one of my brothers hate me before...

"Raphael!" I had not realized I was half sitting half doubled over near the ground. My head was pounding and I couldn't see clearly. But I did recognize the blackish brown fur and the greenish purple blur. I sobbed and was instantly ashamed of myself for doing so.

Before Sensei could even hug me Donnie was already in my arms, curling up near the couch in what should have been an impossible ball. I felt myself being poked as I laid my head on Donnie's shoulder and just cried my frustrations and fears out on him. I shouldn't be like this. I'm the older brother, I should not be crying on Donnie like this.

"It's okay... it's over Raph, we're all okay. Don't yell anymore," Donnie soothed in my ear and I shivered. I felt warm comforting touches going up and down my arm and realized it was Sensei. He always did this to us to calm us down or help us sleep as turtle tots.