I cry as I read the note raegan has left me. I can't believe he left. And I can't believe I could be pregnant.
I'm only 17!! My dad will kill me and my mom. Yes my mom doesn't live with me but she does stay updated on my life. She calls every week to make sure I'm healthy and ok.
She doesn't support me being trans. But she does care about my health which is a good thing. I'm blessed at least for that part.
My dad sees me holding my stomach and crying. Crying my eyes out until I have no more tears. Til I have no more fluids in my body to even produce tears.
"What's wrong Justin" I just nod my head and start to cry harder. I can't tell my dad I'm pregnant he's going to be so mad. How am I going to go to school tomorrow. I haven't been in school since I almost tried to kill myself.
That brings on another thing. How can I take care of a child when I barely can even keep myself alive on a daily basis.
I just can't loose raegan. And this baby can't be tylers. Truth is, I didn't even enjoy the sex we had.
He was just horny and was touching me and I would tell him I'm not in the mood. But he wouldn't listen. He would just continue to rub my thigh.
As he got more aggressive and started to yell cause I wouldn't make love to him. So I just gave it to him. I had to pretend I enjoyed it. Raegan probably won't have sex with me if I told him I had sex with Tyler the night before.
I run up to my room and lock the door and throw my face into the pillow. Why why Justin. Why were u so stupid.
I pick up my phone on the night stand and try to look for raegans contact. I need to talk to him. I just need to... Even if he doesn't want to talk to me back.
I find his contact and press the call button.
R- ... H-hello
He sounds like if he was crying omg I've hurt him so bad.
J- raegan...
R- w-what do you want Justin
J- I'm so sorry can u pls come back to me
R- justin, I don't know how to handle this. At first I was shocked that you were pregnant then I was glad cause we were having a baby together but then you said u didnt know if it was mines or Tyler . Do you know how broken I felt.
J- im sorry raegan pls.... I need you
R- I don't know Justin I need time to think.
J- ok I'll respect that
And he hung up with that. I don't know how I am going to go to school tomorrow without him. Yes I'm very early in the pregnancy but later on when it gets bigger.
I can't hide it forever i have to tell my dad. Even if it means him maybe losing trust in me ...
"Dad I have to tell you s-something" I sob. " Yea? Why are you crying son." He tries to hug me and I back away. He's probably not going to hug me after I tell him this.
"D-dad I've messed up. Messed up really bad. When I was at the mental hospital I met this guy, and his name was Tyler. We ended up dating and I had sex with him.... And I broke up with him the next morning cause I don't love him. I only love raegan. So raegan came over and i had sex with him.... And for weeks now I've been feeling sick and throwing up and I think I might be pregnant.... And I don't know who's the father dad..... Raegan got upset when I mentioned tylers name idk what to do...."
He just takes a deep breathe and sigh. I know he is very disappointed. I would be to myself. "Justin. Listen here. Yes you are growing and you are getting older. But that doesn't mean you go off running and doing some dumb shit. Think of all of the things you had coming for you son. U can't just switch up like that. I understand you want love. But showing love isn't always meaning you have to have sex"
I just tear up and look at the ground and bite my lip. Why does the truth hurt. Shit. Honestly I don't even know why I'm so blind sided. I should of known.
I know that I could get pregnant and i still let it slip. To top it off I didn't even use protection. Wow. What an example for my child coming into this world.
"I-im sorry dad" I say as i studder I'm sadness and fear. "It's ok justin. But we are going to the doctor to see if everything is going ok. When you have this baby you are grounded for a month." Really dad. I'll be stuck home taking care of a baby anyways.
"Ok,ok. So what do I do about raegan dad... And mom..." He sighs. Like if he forgot about the whole mom part. It's just been me and dad since the beginning. Shes never really been for me that much. Only when I was still female she did. But now that im happy with my transition she hasn't really been here. She still cares about my well being which that I don't understand. I thought family are supposed to be there. Yes ig she still cares in some type of way. But she isn't fully there. And it hurts.
Dad starts to see me cry " look justin. This is going to be hell of a journey with you and I and you know that" I nod. " But we will get this done. We will do it together. It's time for you to grow up now."
"Now go get some rest you need it" I smile and try to wipe my tears. " Thanks dad" "no problem" I walk upstairs and close the door. And cuddle up with a pillow. I grab a piece of paper and a pen and start to write.
Dear baby boy or baby girl, I'm writing this to tell you I'm really sorry. I'm sorry for bringing you into this world to early. I'm sorry for bringing you into my messed up life. I dont even know who is your father. And I'm ashamed that I don't know. Your father isn't the best nor the worst. I'm in the middle. There are two ppl that might be in your life. Raegan beast and Tyler Brown. If raegan is your father then you are so blessed to have someone who is so wonderful. And will do anything to make sure you are happy. If you have Tyler I hope he's the best father to you. Now listen your daddy isn't the best he is unstable. I've been through alot. And i don't want you to live a life like how mines was. I want you to be happy. I want you to grow and be the most beautiful or handsome person you are. Listen my child daddy isn't like the other men. Daddy is still young. Daddy is transgender. You might not know what that is but don't worry my child . You will understand later. Just know that I love you. I haven't seen your face. I haven't felt your soft skin against my warm body. But when you enter this world you will be loved by me and your grandpa. You can call him pops to make it easier. Your other father well i don't know yet. We won't know til your born my child. Daddy loves you with all his heart. Stay strong my child. We got this. Daddy will write to you as long as you are in my tummy and when you're out too. See you soon bubba.
Love, daddy♥️
I hope y'all guys enjoyed !!!!!
