problems // ben tyler cook

Chapter Nine

Ninety.

Eighty nine.

Eighty eight.

Eighty seven.

Eighty six.

Eighty five.

My eyes tear up as I lay eyes on the scale, but I quickly wipe them away. I have to keep going. I have to stop eating and work out whenever I get the chance to. I have to get down to seventy pounds.

I quickly pull on my clothes for the day, fixing my curled hair and do last second touch ups on my makeup.

I can't remember a time when I didn't straighten my hair every day- then curl it- and when I didn't put makeup on every day to hide the freckles that are permanently etched into the skin on my nose and cheeks.

It's just who I am. People I meet compliment me on how long and healthy and pretty my hair looks every day, and how my eyebrows are always on fleek and how my occasional wing is perfect. I want to keep it that way.

I don't want to let anyone in.

But then there's Ben.

Oh Ben.

I've only know him for a month and a half, and we've only been dating for a few weeks, but he's actually perfect.

He makes me feel so happy, and so loved. He makes me want to sit him down and pour out all my feelings so I don't have to hold them in anymore.

But Ben is leaving soon. He's going on tour for god knows how long, and I'll be alone again.

Although he promises me that we'll be okay, I can't help but be nervous. By the time he leaves, we'll have only been dating for three months. That's not a lot of time to decide to be in a long distance relationship. But, if all goes well, and I think it will, I want to stay with Ben. I've never felt like this before.

I can tell he's getting suspicious though. I refused food at his apartment the other day, and then he made me eat anyway and I barely had anything. Then another time, he was lifting me up and was so surprised at how light I was.

I suppose I could use the excuse that I'm short and I weigh the average amount I should at this height, but I don't think he would believe that.

As I curl my hair and try not to burn myself, my mind wanders.

What would happen if I told Ben?

Would he go after Andrew?

Would he try to help me?

Would he leave me?

I gasp as my pointer finger comes in contact with the barrel, and I put the wand down to run my finger under some cold water.

I shiver as I take a glance out the window and see that it's a bit windy out today.

I sigh, finishing up my hair and then going to grab a cream colored beanie. I have on a plain sweater and leggings, which is good enough for me.

A knock at the door sends me rushing into the other room, and I smile when I find that it's Ben.

"Hi, what are you doing here?" I smile as he walks into the doorway, kissing my cheek.

"I know you have a show so I'm obviously not staying for a long time, but I wanted to come say hi."

I smile and peck his lips, and we go into the living room. I excuse myself for a moment to get myself and Ben a drink, leaving my phone on the table, not thinking anything of it.

But when I return, my phone has wandered into Ben's hands and he's reading intently. On a normal day, I wouldn't care. I've got nothing to hide. Except, he's got this look on his face. And it doesn't look like he's smiling at my selfies, or laughing at the pictures of my niece and me, or being confused by the stupid texts I share with my best friend from Texas.

I set the drinks down and take my seat beside him again, crossing my legs. I lean over his shoulder and rest my cheek on his shoulder blade.

"What're you looking at?" I make sure to sound teasing so he knows I'm not upset that he's snooping.

"Rose, w-what is this? Who is this?"

He moves the phone closer to me and I can finally see what he's looking at. He's looking at my texts.

With Andrew.

Andrew, of all people.

I reach over to quickly grab the phone, but Ben resists. "No, Rose, this isn't okay. All these messages are telling you that you're not good enough and that you need to be, like, skinnier. Who the fuck is this?!"

"It's no one, okay?" I respond, pulling away from him.

"Rose, you respond to this person. You tell him that he's right. You agree that you'll lose more weight. You-" Ben sighs. "You work with Andrew. Andrew's the one who gives you notes after every show."

And even though my back is turned to him, he can still see when I start to nod.

"H-Have you listened to him? Have you, uh, tried to, like, s-starve yourself or- I don't know what I'm supposed to be saying here."

"Ben, I have to. Andrew is really famous in this industry and if he doesn't like me, he could make sure I never get another job after Beauty and the Beast. I can't risk that."

"He's hurting you, Rosalina, listen to me." Ben places one hand on my waist, but nothing else.

I can tell he's nervous and scared to say some things, or make some moves. He doesn't know how to react, and I don't blame him. I wouldn't think he'd know how to respond to this.

"You can't do this to yourself." My eyes wander to the clock on the wall and see that it's pretty much time for me to leave.

"I have to go to my show."

"No, Rose, come talk to me."

"I really need to go." I stand and walk towards the door.

Ben sighs in defeat and I feel so bad that he has to deal with someone like me.

"Rose, wait." Ben grabs my hand and turns me around, placing his hands on my cheeks. "Don't listen to him, okay? You're amazing. Break a leg."