He Called Her Angel

Depressed

Chapter 8

Depressed

The week went by slowly. I couldn't focus on anything because my mind was clouded with memories. It was like the life had been sucked out of me and I was slapped in the face by reality. How did I ever think things could go back to normal? I kept thinking really bad thoughts and I was starting to become terrified of my own mind again. My friends didn't even notice. I kept putting on my fake smile and acting like everything was fine. I just couldn't tell them because they were so happy and I didn't want to ruin their happiness, but honestly how did they not notice I was breaking inside?

It's like I'm screaming for help but no one seems to hear. It would be easy to say that I feel invisible, but instead I feel painfully visible and entirely ignored. Can't you see I'm hurting? Can't you see behind the smile I'm calling for help? I guess what I'm feeling is depression because it feels like I'm drowning and everyone around me can breath. I can't swim to the surface because I'm being pulled down. I'm getting weaker and weaker as I can't seem to catch my breath. What's pulling me down? What's keeping me from breaking through the surface? Myself. I'm terrified to be happy and sometimes I don't want to break through the surface because then I might just drown again and again. It's just like all the sudden I had become really tired, like the whole world drained me for everything I had.

It was Thursday morning. There were actually clouds outside and it looked like it was going to be a gloomy day. It's funny how the weather always seems to reflect my emotions. I slumped out of bed only to be pulled to the ground in a heap. "Curse you gravity!!!" I yelled. I lied there on the ground for a bit because I really didn't want to get back up. I had skipped school yesterday because I was "sick". I had to go to school today and catch up on everything I had missed.

I got up and got ready not really putting much thought into what I was doing. I wanted to get to school early so I could talk to a few of my teachers and get the stuff I missed. I went down stairs and went in to the kitchen to grab something to eat. I opened up the fridge and then decided I wasn't really hungry. I grabbed my car keys, went out to the garage, and hopped in my car.

I put the keys in the ignition but the car didn't start up. I tried again and again and huffed in annoyance. "Really!? Really!" I yelled to myself. I got out of the car, opened the garage door, and started walking to school. I hadn't done this since the first day of school because of the "Carter incident".

Vroom Vroom! I swear if that's... My thoughts were cut off by Carter's husky voice. "Need a lift?" He said. Could this day get any worse. I had been intentionally ignoring this guy all week. I just couldn't handle his constant clinginess when all I wanted was to be left alone.

"No, I am perfectly capable of walking to school." I stated with as much confidence as I could muster.

"I didn't think you weren't capable, I just thought that it might be nicer to not have to walk to school." He said with a genuine smile. I was about to give in to letting him give me a ride until he smirked and said, "and of course who wouldn't want to ride with me." Ugh... his ego is suffocating.

"I know of a person who doesn't want to ride with you. I think her name is Carridy, no maybe Cassidy. Ya, that's it, Cassidy. She doesn't want a ride from a jerk like you." I said with venom seeping into my words. I felt guilty all the sudden. I didn't mean to take out my frustrations on him. "Sorry." I mumbled and started walking away. He grabbed my wrist and the warm giddy feeling erupted again, but it was the wrist with scars on it. He took a quick glance at my wrist. He let go and said with a sad smile, "It happens to the best of us." I let his words sink in and I knew it had two different meanings.

"Now please let me give you a ride to school." He said pleadingly. I nodded and we hopped on to his bike. I wrapped my arms around his waste this time because...well...uh...It's safer! We drove off to school and arrived 15 min late, which I was very grateful for because then nobody would see us together. We got our late passes and went our separate ways.