He Called Her Angel

Second Chances

Chapter 11

Second Chances

*Carter's POV*

Distractions are only temporary and mine had come to an end. I had to do this. I had to go in. I took a deep breath trying to settle the twisting feeling in my gut. I slipped through the automatic glass doors and walked slowly up to the women at the front desk.

"Here to see Natalie Lewis" I said with a fake smile barely holding myself together. I looked around at the white walls as the smell of disinfectant filled my nose. It had been a while since I had been here.

"Of course Carter, go on up." The woman said. When the lady at the front desk of a hospital knows your name, it isn't good.

I nodded and made my way to the elevators. The doors slid open and I raised my hand to press the number 4. I noticed that my hand was shaking. I took a deep breath and pressed the stainless steal button. The calming elevator music did nothing to calm the sinking feeling of seeing my little sister again.

I walked down the hall to a door labeled 406. 'Breathe Carter, breathe.' I kept thinking to myself. Nothing's wrong. You can do this. Just act normal. I pushed the door open to see Natalie reading her favorite book The Fault in our Stars.

"You know those love stories are not real." I said with a smirk.

Natalie looked up from the book to see me. A giant smile spread across her pale face.

"Carter!" She squealed. "Hey Nat." I said while wrapping my arms delicately around her skinny frame. I then sat in the chair next to her bed and watched as she went back to reading her book. She probably wanted to finish the chapter. She itched the back of her head where her hair used to be. She seemed to look more sickly compared to when I last visited. Natalie was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia a few days before her 12th birthday.

It was a surprise to everyone when we found out. She just had a fever and she was really tired, so we brought her to the doctor. We never expected for the doctor to come back and say she had cancer. It was really hard when she started chemo. She had to say goodbye to all the hair on her head and hello to her hospital bed. She used to be carefree and happy. She still smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes.

"I know they're not real." Natalie said snapping me out of my thoughts. I looked at her confused. "I know these love stories aren't real." She said causally. "Well the concept is real. Just don't expect it to be anything like those stories you read all the time."

She laughed and said, "I know, but I can dream." I laughed with her.

"So what about you Carter, got any secret lovers?" She questioned.

"Well maybe." I said nervously scratching the back of my neck. "There is this one girl..." Natalie's eyes lit up in surprise and she gestured for me to continue.

"Her names Cassidy. She's not like the other girls. She's different. She's amazing, sweet, and funny, but she's also sort of quiet and guarded." I said with a smile just from thinking about her.

"Have you asked her out yet?!" Natalie asked with a giant smile on her face.

"Uh well there's one issue... She kind of hates me." I said awkwardly.

"What did you do Carter." She said scrutinizing me.

"She went to my school last year." I said looking down at my lap. I used to think being cool was everything and I thought the way to do that was to beat down the lesser people around me. I was a bully. I made some terrible decisions and became friends with a bad group of people.

My sister looked at me sympathetically. She knew how bad of a person I used to be, but she also knows how good of a person I am now.

"Carter you can change her mind. You have changed, you just need to let her see that." Natalie said.

"I know that, but it really hurt her. I don't think I could ever forgive myself for that. She deserves someone better then me." I said with complete honesty. I didn't deserve Cassidy.

"Everyone deserves a second chance no matter what they did. Besides, nothing should be able to come in between true love." Natalie said mater-of-factly.

"Stop quoting your cheesy romantic book lines!" I said while laughing.

"Fine" she said whining. "But listen to me. You deserve a second chance."

When did my little sister become the smart one? I guess she always has been.

"Hey Carter I need to tell you something." Natalie said with no emotion at all.

"Okay..." I said not really knowing what to expect.

"I am stopping the treatments." She said looking straight into my eyes as if the innocence that gleaned in them would make the news less traumatic.

What is she talking about? She can't mean what I think she means.

"what" I managed to choke out. What she just said made it hard for me to breath, she can't be serious!

"I have cancer, but cancer doesn't have me." She paused trying to think of what to say next. I mean how does one explain to there only sibling that they are giving up on life. "I can't let it have me. I don't want it to change me." She said with glassy eyes.

"But you're letting it have you!" I yelled out angrily. Cancer will have her if she lets it kill her!!!

"Carter the treatments weren't working. Even if they miraculously did work I would have to live my entire life in fear of a relapse. I am not living anymore I just exist. I don't have hope anymore and the depression is killing me more then the cancer. I can't live this way." She said as tears spilled down her delicate face.

"So what am I just supposed to sit here and watch as my little sister kills herself because she's done fighting?! Because she doesn't believe anymore! I can't Nat! I can't let you do this." I strangled out. The cloud of anger, dread, and fear raged through my mind. The beating of my heart was rapid as adrenaline kicked in. I need to stop this.

"It's too late." She whispered no longer looking in to my eyes. My breath hitched and I couldn't seem to get it back.

Anger couldn't cover all that I felt. I felt betrayed, hurt, lost, and I didn't know what to do. It was like the walls of the hospital room started to close in on me. I couldn't bare to be near here anymore. She kept her eyes down cast to avoid seeing how this destroyed me. My baby sister.

"You're a coward!" I yelled at her before I stormed out of her room and out of the hospital. By the time I made it home I was seeing red. I destroyed everything in my sight including myself.

"Where was her second chance?! Where was her first chance!" I screamed out. I was so angry at her, at the devil of a disease inside her, and at the world, but where there is anger, there is always pain underneath