Alternate Realities

Eulogy

What would Cal write if he had to eulogize Mare? Write because we all know he would never be able to speak, and probably wouldn't be in a position to speak at her funeral. And totally, he'd have to have help to get eloquent.

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I wish I could say I am glad that I met her, but there's too many conflicted feelings to use a positive descriptor. I met her. My life changed. I suffered, but she also brought joy within the destruction. She brought hope when I was hopeless. She was a promise embodied. I followed her; we all followed her carried by her will to survive more than her decisiveness or sense of direction — which she lacked on many days. She was not perfect in her leadership or guidance. She was not stoic when she needed to be strong nor was she ever weak. She bolstered me and our cause.

She is the only loss in my life that I have had the chance to properly mourn. And this grief compounds with all my grief into an unbearable anguish. This unrelenting hurt inside of me does not ebb and will not quickly wane. I know, truly, that the only thing which could have helped extinguish my soul's suffering has, today, been returned to the earth. I must mourn on my own without her help. I am locked in such a way that I cannot even say these truths out loud or else my ears will shatter while I sob. No one needs to hear my words to feel this hurt, nor would I want to share it with anyone. So pen and paper bare witness and testify to the vastness of the universe: I was whole for but a moment with her in my life, and I will never be whole again.