Rants

Protection

I need protection. That's it. All I need.
I need to wrap my heart in metal, and make it that only I know what's inside.
If I have a heart that is protected, then everything will be better, right?
My personality is horrendous.
I like extremely weird things, and I talk way too much.
One second I'll be the sweetest and most caring person ever, then BOOM I'm angry and ready to hit anyone.
Just like that.
"You're the best friend I've ever had!"
"You're like the best friend ever!"
Yeah okay.
Sure.
I totally believe everything you say.
Why?
Because I'm used to it.
I'm a great friend then suddenly I'm a liar, who only thinks of myself.
I listen to all of your damn problems and I help you. I help you get boyfriends and girlfriends and I'm always answering your calls and I talk to you, then all of a sudden you don't need me.
You know how much that hurts?!
Like I didn't sacrifice for you!
I didn't break bonds I had with other people for you!
I
Did
Nothing
For
You.

I'm just here for you to use me.
And don't you ever walk up to me and ask me how I'm doing.
I'm not doing okay.
I'm not happy.
But I smile
And I laugh.
Why?
Because even though I'm nothing in your life, I don't want you to feel sorry for me.
I'm nothing.
To you
To her
To him
Or to them.
I'm nothing to no one.
But all I want is protection.
Something that hides who I am from other people.
So I won't get hurt.
Help me
Please