Mónéy Matters

Chapter Seventy-Four

|Mónéy|

I watched as the rain hit up against the window pane. Jamal scooted closer to me before wrapping his arms around me. I allowed him to do so, as my mind traveled. I had been to three funerals in a whole week, and I can honestly say that it took a toll on me.

I knew Jamal was only trying to take advantage of me because I was vulnerable but I wasn't about to have sex with him or anyone else. The doctor gave me strict instructions about holding out on sex for six weeks. Mercedes went to visit her grandmother in Mississippi and Remy had went out and found herself a job. Lately Jamal and I were the only ones here and I really didn't know how I felt about that.

Icy and I hadn't talked since Chanel's funeral, a few days back. His parents were still in town and they kept bothering me about holding him down through this tough time. I wanted to be there with him more than anything, but I couldn't hold someone down who kept pushing me away.

I was in deep thought until Jamal's loud snoring begun to disturb me. I rolled my eyes and pushed him off me before getting out of bed. He slowly opened his eyes and smiled at me. I threw my robe on and straighten the bonnet on my head.

"It's early, why you up," he asked as he sat up on his elbows. I ignored him and marched across the hall to the room I had been staying in. Danaë was released from the hospital a few days ago and I heard she had fallen into a deep depression. I felt extremely bad for her and Icy, both of them had lost a very important person and that poor, innocent kid was still missing.

"Moe, you iight," Jamal asked as he lightly knocked on the bedroom door. I rolled my eyes and tighten my robe as I rummaged through my purse, just to distract myself from him.

"I'm ok," I mumbled loud enough for him to hear. The bedroom door creaked opened and in walked Jamal with a groggily smiled.

"You sure. I mean you've been walking 'round hea' like you lost your best friend," he said. I rolled my eyes.

"I'm fine Jamal," I said with an attitude as I threw my purse on the bed.

"If this got some'um to do wit' Icy, I mi-," he started but I cut him off.

"I said I'm fine," I snapped. Jamal nodded his head and backed away.

"Ok, I'm sorry. Moe you know I love you and you know my intensions are only to look out for you," he said. I looked at him hard before shaking my head.

"You call sleeping with the enemy looking out for me? Jamal you're full of shit, I thought you we're my best friend but I was wrong. You're just like every other motherfucker I've came across in my life," I said.

"Moe I didn't th-."

"Bullshit! I don't even wanna hear you say that. You knew exactly what her and Chauncey did to me and for you to marry that monster........," my voice trailed off. "I don't give a fuck anymore, you fell in love with her so deal with her."

"Mónéy you know it's not like that. You know I got mad love for you and I'd die for you. This shit that me and Remy got goin' on is arranged, I don't love her like I love you," he said. I cringed and his words because they made my head spin. Part of me wanted Jamal only because I didn't want him with Remy, while the other part of me couldn't let go of the fact that I actually had feelings for him.

"Is it wrong that I love you Jamal? Is it fucked up that I can't get the night that I lost my virginity out my head? I hate being here, knowing that you're laying next to someone other than me. Yea, I get it, there's that situation with Icy but he's not you! And I don't know if you've noticed but he no longer wants me," I said. Jamal shook his head and ran his hand over his face.