Sanders Sides One Shots

It's okay not to be okay. - Logicality

Logan thinks he looks chubby, Patton agrees and this makes him love him even more. 

Title from Jessie J's Who You Are which makes the fic sound more serious than it is.

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Logan had noticed his recent weight gain, of course he noticed it was hard for him not to notice, he just hope that the others wouldn't. Obviously this was illogical, he knows they'll notice but maybe he hopes they don't. Especially Patton. Patton who is, excuse the cliches, the light of his life, his one and only, his 'soulmate' if you will. His boyfriend is so fully of love and, well, this makes him doubt his own stupid thoughts about the other not loving his because of his appearance.

"Hey Logan!" Patton's voice echoed from the other end of the kitchen before coming up and hugging his boyfriend from behind. Logan accepted the hug with little resistance, resting his head back against the other's shoulder but not going so far as to remove his hands from the counter top.

He isn't fully focused on, well, anything. He can't focus on Patton, the way his boyfriend is holding him carefully. He can't focus on his half drank cup of coffee and his bread standing in the toaster. His focus is completely on himself, as selfish as it is, and he can't stop these thoughts from travelling a thousand miles a minute. "Lo? Logan? Babe?" Patton's voice is quiet, so soft and caring that Logan knows, rationally, that he can tell him anything.

Still the little voice in the back of his mind tells him, no matter how many times he logically goes over this, that if he does tell his boyfriend he'll be rejected, shamed. "Logan, are you alright?" He turned to face Patton, who had his brows furrowed and frown prominent on his face, clearly concerned with his lack of a response.

"I guess I'm alright Patton, don't worry about it." Logan gave a weak smile but Patton's expression stayed the same. Logan couldn't help his eyes wandering to the side, preferring to gaze at the wall than face his boyfriend. "Lo, you're not alright though are you?" Patton questioned, gently gripping the other's chin and forced eye contact, although Logan could break it if he wanted to.

"No?" It was more of a question than an answer and the logical trait's voice was ever so quiet, this only further worried Patton. "Please talk to me Lo. I want to help you, I really do, but I can't do anything if you don't tell me what's going on." Patton grazed his thumb gently against Logan's skin, a soothing sensation but couldn't stop the seemingly constant worries floating around in Logan's brain, and his other hand comes to rest lightly on his hip.

"I just- I guess," Logan began, fumbling gracelessly over his words uncharacteristically, "I don't feel right, specifically in the way I look, I guess I feel fat." As soon as Logan had finished speaking he struggled out of Patton's grip, only moving to the other side of the kitchen before Patton grabs ahold of his arm.

And Logan really just wants to be alone right now, to cry in the comfort of his own bed and not worry about what Patton thinks right now. But no. Patton's holding his bicep firmly while tears collect in his own eyes, and the other hasn't even said anything. Sure, that's not necessarily bad. It doesn't indicate that Patton wishes to break up with him nor does it mean that Patton is alright with the way he looks.

Patton's moving, slowly coming into view, and the look on his face is, well, indescribable. It's a cross between hurt and worry. Logan's probably in trouble for keeping his doubts and worries from Patton for so long, but for now Patton needs to reassure Logan because his tears are coming hard and fast.

Soon enough tears are running down tracks on Logan's face, only to be caught upon Patton's hands that are cupping the other's face. "Logan. Listen to me," Patton said, voice stern, "you are by no means fat, I'm not saying you're perfect, heck no one is. And, yeah, you're a little chubby but I think that's adorable." Patton smiled brightly at Logan, who in turn offered a weak smile, "please stop crying now though otherwise you're going to make me cry."

Logan laughed slightly at that, moving back away from Patton so he could wipe his face and eyes. Stepping back into Patton's personal space, Logan cautiously took ahold of one of his hands, "are you sure Patton? Would you not prefer it if I lost a bit of weight?" Patton practically scowled in response, his eyebrows knitted together and his smile quickly fell.

"Lo, please, I love you the way you are. If you want to lose weight do it for you not for me, I will love you unconditionally." With that Patton threw his arms around the other, linking his arms together to pull Logan as close as possible. Logan responded by gently placing his hands flat against Patton's back, gently running his fingers up and down.

"Okay, thank you Patton," Logan replied, burying his head ever so slightly into Patton's neck causing the other to stifle a laugh at the ticklish feeling but look on fondly nevertheless. "I love you too." Logan murmured, his voice muffled but still audible enough for Patton to hear, the other trait felt as if he could cry for a whole different reason now.