Not Ashamed

'Chapter Nineteen ✓×

Finn's POV

The month goes quickly and soon, Christmas break approaches. Lately, I've felt extremely unfulfilled. Axel and Johnathan are probably the only things keeping me from ripping my eyes out. I hate law. There's probably nothing I hate more than law. It sucks. I feel like throwing myself out of a high window whenever I see my stupid text books.

Axel has been supportive, but I don't think he sees it from my point of view. I feel like there's no escape. I'm here, in this classroom, bored out of my mind forever.

The bell rings, and I leave within seconds. I rush back to mine and Axel's dorm room, hoping he's home.

Luckily, he is. He seems to be changing the bulb in the lamp, but he turns around to smile at me when I get home.

I don't say a word, I drop my back pack on the floor with a sigh of relief.

"Hey, welcome ba--"

He's cut off when I rush over to hug him, squeezing him tightly. He gasps, but laughs, hugging me back immediately. He kisses me on the cheek before pulling back.

"Well, that's a nice surprise," he mutters, kissing my lips for a long second, smiling into it. "So, was that your last class before holidays?" He asks once we've disconnected our lips.

"Yes, thank God! I can't take another moment of these classes, they bore me out of my mind!"

He laughs quietly. "Why don't you change your major? Try something new."

"I can't do that. My dad would kill me. I'd be disowned."

"If you're not happy, wouldn't it be better to just find something that would make you happy?"

I pull out of the hug, plopping on my stomach on my bed.

"Please, happy doesn't matter in the Harrison house. My mother hasn't been happy since she was twenty, but there she is. My sister doesn't want to be engaged to her fiance, but there she is. And now, I don't like law, but here I am."

"Finn, your parents wouldn't like all the time you spend drawing, or the parties you go to, or me for that matter. To hell with them."

I'm about to laugh, and carry on, but I realize that he's right. Who cares what they think? I don't live there anymore. They can't control me, or anything I do. To hell with my father. He doesn't love me, he doesn't even care about me, why do I care what he thinks?

"You're right. You're so very right. Screw law. I hate it. I'm going to change my major, and do what I want."

"Good for you!"

...

That night, me and Axel decide to celebrate our Christmas holidays by going for a nice, calm walk around campus. Unlike my companions, I'm not up for parties all the time, so instead of going to the wild christmas party, we walk around the pretty, lit up campus hand in hand.

"It's pretty this time at night," Axel points out, his voice dreamy. I nod in agreement. I open my mouth to comment on that, say something about the perfect moment with the perfect person, but my phone rings in my pocket.

Me and Axel exchange a glance before I take it out of my pocket.

"It's my father," I mutter, my heart racing. Axel let's go of my hand to rub my back soothingly, trying to calm me down. I answer the call reluctantly, feeling sick. I hate talking to him. I hate the way he makes me feel.

"Hello?" I answer.

"Hello, Finnick. I just wanted to call to discuss your plans for the holidays. Are you coming home?"

I look over at Axel. He gives me a confused look, not being able to hear what my father's saying.

"I... I don't know. I didn't think I was invited."

"Not invited? Finnick, you talk like you're not welcome in your own home!" That's because I'm not. "Of course you're invited! I need to know if you're coming today, I have plans to make you know."

I look over at Axel, quickly blurt out an I gotta go and hang up.

"What did he want?" Axel asks, moving his hand from my back and back into my hand.

"He wants me to come home for Christmas," I murmur disbelievingly.

"Oh? Are you going?"

I shrug. Axel thinks for a moment before responding.

"You should. Closure is important. You should go, tell them you're changing your major, put everything out in the open. You'd feel a lot better."

"I'll go if you go with me."

Axel's head whips around to look at me. "What?"

"I need you to go. I don't want to talk to them alone. Besides, they should meet you at some point, shouldn't they?"

Axel nods slowly, like he's unsure but supportive. "Okay, I'll go. How bad can they be?"

"Oh, you're so innocent." I pull Axel closer to me, hugging him tightly and kissing him on the forehead. "I guess I'll call him and tell him we're coming."