Not Ashamed

'Chapter Thirty One

Months pass. I get the help (and medication) I need. I see a therapist once a week, and it's not your stereotypical therapist either. She's actually helpful, and though a lot of messed up shit in my life roots from my parents, she doesn't come to that final conclusion like I do.

It's nice to have a fresh and rational opinion on things.

I'm not better. I probably will never be all the way better, but I can function, and I don't spend my time in bed or breaking down.

Axel is a main roll in a Broadway play. Some super cool and cultered thing I've never heard of. The fact that I've never heard of it shows how awesome and exclusive it must be. All I know about is binge watching Netflix and art books, so me not knowing what this play is about, is a good thing, not a bad thing.

I've found myself a job as well. It's not a permanent thing, but I enjoy it. I do water colour portraits, or cute animated portraits, of people. They give me an idea, concept, or model, and I paint it. I don't make a lot of money, but I make enough.

I'm happy.

...

"Who is Kyle?" Axel calls. I'm in the bathroom, washing my hands, and I hear my phone ringing in the living room.

"No one you know," I reply. "Ignore it."

"Are you sure? He's called twice before already?"

"Yeah, just ignore it."

I walk back into the room and Axel stares up at me with that "I know you're hiding something" face. I roll my eyes and take my phone, slipping it in my pocket. He keeps staring at me.

"What?" I ask, unable to mask a smile.

"Why won't you tell me who that is?" He returns, clearly getting aggravated.

"Does it matter?" I mumble, grinning. "Are you jealous?"

"No. I'm just curious."

"Mhm."

"I'm not jealous!"

"I believe you." I definitely do not believe him.

"Just, tell me who it is!" He demands.

"It doesn't matter!"

"Then, why won't you tell me?!"

He's started shouting, and I feel quite relieved that William, Mia and Bailey are out to a movie tonight.

"Because I don't have to tell you everything."

He opens his mouth, but seems to not have a reply. He groans in frustration. "Tell me who it is!"

"Why? Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I trust you, and I'll trust you further when you stop hiding this from me!"

"What do you think I'm hiding?!" I stand up, anxious energy taking me over. He stands too.

"I don't know!"

"Why won't you leave this alone?!"

"Because I think you're cheating on me!"

I flinch at the statement. I would say if feels like a slap in the face, but it feels far worse. It feels like a knife in my chest being twisted.

"What?" I whisper.

"You've been secretive, and taking phone calls behind my back, and going out without telling me where. I'm not stupid, Finn! I deserve the truth!"

"You want the truth?" I stick my hand in my back pocket. "I'll give you the truth. I was going away, and talking to Kyle to get you this!"

I pull a little black box out of my pocket and throw it to him. He fumbles to catch it, and seems to pause when he realizes what it is.

He opens it slowly, revealing the greenish-blue diamond ring. He takes it out of the box and turns it over, the engraving reading, "Until death does us part".

Tears form in his eyes, and the anger leaves my system.

"Kyle is a jeweler," I explain. "I know less than nothing about rings and I thought you deserved the best so... I asked for his help. Put it on, see if I got it right."

He slips the ring on and stares at it, covering his mouth in shock with the other hand. "Finn..."

"Do you like it?"

He nods slowly, the tears in his eyes falling. "I love it."

He hugs me, wrapping his arms around my neck and pulling me close. I wrap my arms around his waist and sigh in joy.

"So... will you marry me?" I ask shakily. He laughs into my shoulder.

"Of course I will, you big idiot."