Alive II Yoonmin

26

"I want to go the moon one day!" 

"That's impossible."

"Then I want to go to the sun."

"That's more impossible."

"I want to leave you on Mars!" 

"I wish."

I stay perfectly still on the chair of my balcony ready to see the sun peak through the horizon while watching the voices that sound through the air. They are of a child's dreams being harshly denied by his siblings, that child is my brother. My sister was kind enough to send videos of old recordings my mother kept in the safe haven of what use to be my room. The one playing now is of my baby brother, he was a baby in the time of the recording. 

Jihoon was only three when he was being filmed, my sister and I much older than the clueless boy. He spoke about his desire to go visit space so lively yet we turned down his dreams by calling them impossible so easily. The video ends with his cries in the arms of our mother. 

It's funny how back them I meant the words so harmlessly and with no meaning to hurt any feelings not strike only a harsh reality of the world we live in because I had not experienced the rejection I do now. I sit on here wondering what the truth is, who to believe, and just where to go after this dead end. 

Do I stay here and live my life as I can? Should I start over completely? Or do I find my way back to that one mysterious that makes me feel a way no one else does under his gaze? 

What am I doing?

The bark of my beloved pet snaps me from my depressing thoughts and the clearing of a throat turns my head. 

"Hoseok!" I rush to stand up but he stops me with the gesturing of his hand. Holly jumps off my lap to sit on his once it takes place in the chair besides mine. It's silent for the most part and I hate it. The only sound between us is that of messages incoming to one of our phones. 

"I'm sorry for just leaving like that."

"It's fine..."

"It's not. Just like how it wasn't fine for you to have just left to see someone you knew nothing of, it was dangerous and stupid Yoongi."

Truly he spoke the truth and only an idiot would say otherwise. I did leave him behind just to meet this name on a paper in a town where neither three of us visitors had any memory of but yet we did it. Hoseok's not wrong, he never seems to be. 

"Yoongi the only way we- no, relationships in general  work is with trust. Do you not trust me enough?" He asks softly. "Was I not trustworthy in your mind to tell me of this strange note you found with a name? I was not ideal in your head to tell of your worries and thoughts?"

"Hobi I do, I just...I..."

I don't know what to say. I want to say I do trust him because I feel as if I do yet I can't seem to come up with an explanation as to why I didn't. I see his face and all in my head I think of is safety, he is like the sun about to rise. Hoseok is the metaphorical sun of my life. He is what I wake to and what I fall asleep with. This is my partner, someone who warms me on cold nights and whose beauty I stare at despite the million of other things people would consider more worthy of a stare. 

"Fine, don't answer that then. I guess you're not ready to say it, just like how you couldn't tell me you loved me for an entire year."

The three words I could not even mutter to him back in our youth were heart shattering to him and to the newly awake me too. Not being able to say something I felt for him made me wonder who I was before I slept. 

"Who I was then isn't who I am now, I love you." 

A grin that can be described as nothing else but cute forms on his face. I cannot help myself from leaning forward to pepper his face with kiss him that extract giggles. Before I know it the sweet innocent gestures turn to ones that are burning and lustful. We find our way to the bed we haven't shared in days to do a deed we haven't performed in a while. At the end of it, all the raging and thoughts stay away.

While he sleeps on my chest and my eyes stare out to pink sky I stay at peace but like all good things they must all come to an end. The cause of the end was my phone but more specially the message by of a certain someone. 

Heard you're not dead anymore, want to meet?

~'~'~'

Throw tomatoes at me, rocks, whatever pleases you but do forgive me for such a late update. Things have been crazy lately and frankly I was having issues writing for this book so that's why it took me so long to get this to you guys. Thank you being patient though, I greatly appreciate it even though sometimes I don't deserve it. 

Hope you enjoyed! 

{Ciel1l}