Dead in Love (Nico x Reader)

Sad smile

(From recent personal experiences)

  I love making people smile. I love to make people feel wanted and loved.

  But sometimes I want to feel that too. 

  Let me rephrase that; all the time I want to feel loved and wanted.

  I talk to people who look lonely, sad, or dejected because I've lived in all of those feelings way too frequently.

  Now that you know that, let's get to the actual story.

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  It was a beautiful sunny fall day at Camp Half-Blood. The woods looked beautiful. It was bursting full of fall colors, the tree nymphs were enjoying life, and I was trying to stay positive. 

  I had been dating Nico for about 6-7 months. I loved every second with him, he made me feel happy without even trying. But there was still a small, and prominent, part of my self that felt utterly alone. I still felt out of place when I hung out with the amazing 8 (Can't forget Nico)

  They were the heroes of Olympus. Hazel was only like 13 at the time and she still played such a huge part in defeating Geae. When I was 13 I was probably binge watching Logan Paul vlogs, screaming about Dan and Phil, or doing some other semi-important thing. 

   I knew Nico loved me, he still does, but I still spent a majority of my time hiding my feelings behind a sad smile. Of course, Nico could tell something was up, everyone knows if a girl says she's fine, she's not.  I don't know why I hid my feelings from him. I knew he'd understand, but I was used to dealing with things on my own. Some habits die hard.

    So this particular day I was chilling under a tree, scribbling down song lyrics I'd never actually make a song when Nico came over and sat by me. I quickly, but casually hid my probably depressing lyrics and smiled at him.

  "Okay," Nico flipped his hair out of his eyes, "you need to tell me what's up."

  "The sky," I sarcastically replied.

  "You know that's not what I meant." Dam, he's serious. 

  "Then please, elaborate on what you meant," I crossed my arms to look business-e. 

  "You've been really reserved recently... No, not just recently, all the time." I shrugged. I wasn't really in the mood for this, I never was. I just tried my best to ignore the empty feeling. It worked, most of the time. 

  "Oh come on, don't be difficult," Nico huffed.

  "What do you want me to say? 'Sorry I feel awkward when we hang out with your friends that are basically demigod celebrates. Sorry I can't relate to any of that world-saving stuff you guys talk about.' Is that what you want?" I snapped.

 "First, I didn't know you felt that way. Second, we don't have to hang out with them if you don't. Third, I'm pretty sure they're your friends too, I mean your Percy's half-sister."

 "I don't know where that came from," I quickly waved off what I had said 2 seconds ago, picked my stuff up, and started to walk away, "Good chat."

  Nico, of course, didn't let it slide, and stepped into my path. "You know perfectly well where that came from." 

 I tried to step around him while ignoring him. Shocker, it didn't work.  "Please just talk to me," Nico touched my shoulder.   

 "I don't know if I can," I muttered. Nico knew when someone wasn't okay and me saying what I did probably just confirmed what he already believed. He wrapped his arms tightly around me and pulled me to him. The wall I had put up broke and a tear slipped down my cheek.

  We stood there, me silently crying into his chest while he just as quietly traced circles on my back as his chin rested gently on top of my head. Eventually, he picked me up bridal-style and carried me back to his cabin so we could talk. 

  He set me gently on his bed and put my notebook and things on his bedside table. I slumped over onto the bed and curled up on my side. I really hurt. It's almost funny how much I ached inside, like me just shoving my feelings stored up the pain instead of numbing it. 

  Nico sat quietly beside me, close enough to feel but not to really touch. He was doing the only thing he knew he really could. Just the presence of someone who you knew loved you was a pretty good painkiller. So there we sat for probably half an hour. By the end of it, I had run out of tears and was just hiccupping with a blossoming headache. 

  "I'm sorry," I quietly hiccuped, still curled up.

  "Don't be," Nico softly turned my body so my head was on his lap. 

  "I'm just like, brim full of sad emotions," I attempted to wipe my long dried tears off my face.

  "You don't have to explain anything to me," Nico ran his fingers through my (H/C) hair.

  "Thanks," I weakly smiled.

  "For what, mia regina?" Nico asked quietly, still playing with my hair.

  "Everything," I replied.

  "You'd do the same for me, wait, you have, hundreds of times." He smiled down at me. I pulled my self into a sitting position and laid my head on his shoulder. I probably looked like crap, in fact I know I did. No one can possibly cry for half an hour and still look cute. 

 "I do it cause I love you," I whispered as he pulled me onto his lap.

  "And I you," He laid his cheek on my messy hair. I relished in the feeling of finally not hurt. I wished it would last but I knew it wouldn't. There's just part of me that feels like it will always be empty. I'll survive it though, as long as I have Nico (I give you permission to gage at how cheesy this is) 

   "Do you have anything else you need to get off your chest?" Nico asked into my hair. I nodded. "Hit me," Nico dramatically squared his shoulders. I straightened up a little so I could reach his lips and I placed mine gently on his. 

  "That was it," I said quietly as I pulled away. 

  "That wasn't too horrible," he grinned at me. 

  "I'm so flattered," I said sarcastically.  

  Yep, I'll survive it.

Wow, if that wasn't a vent I don't know what is. So like, yep. This was more of a vent than a fanfiction. Hit me up if you got any requests or something. Have a good life kids. 

~Trash <3