Ready or Not

The Big Day

I can't believe it's already been a year. It seems like it was just yesterday when Harry proposed! Afterwards, Harry explained to me why he had asked for my hand in marriage. While it was not for the reason I was hoping, it was still reason enough for me to say yes. Des had always been like a second father to me. How could I have said no?

Standing at the altar, I felt so beautiful. My long, lacy dress hugged my curves, and accentuated them perfectly. My shoes made me taller, but I was still slightly shorter than Harry. After slipping a stainless steel wedding band on Harry's left ring finger, the minister said, "By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife. Harry, you may now kiss the bride."

I was fully expecting Harry to kiss my cheek, or my forehead. Anything but my lips. It all happened so fast, I don't think I can even say that his lips ever touched mine. I was left with a slight tingle, so perhaps his lips did meet mine. If they did, was it all for show?

Harry had my hand in one of his, waving to our friends and family as we walked down the aisle. It was our first official steps as a married couple, and I didn't know if I was supposed to enjoy them. I mean, Harry's proposal wasn't an act of love. In his eyes, we're still the best friends we always have been. There is no affection between us, no matter how badly I want it.

We were at the doors of the church, about to walk out to the limo, when I heard a commotion from the outside. Harry opened the door and mumbled, "Shit."

"What?" I asked nervously.

"Someone tipped off the paparazzi," he said. Just perfect. This was supposed to be a private occasion! I just stood there with tears gathering in my eyes. All of this was just too much for me to take in at once. Harry didn't notice that I was feeling upset, or else he wouldn't have dragged me out in the middle of that mess.

Cameras flashing, jumbled voices asking us to strike a pose and flash a smile. They were all middle-aged men, probably desperate for a quick buck. What better way to earn that then to follow around Harry Styles and his new bride?

Finally, after what seemed like a walk in the Sahara, we reached the limo. Harry opened the door and I slid in first. Once he was in and the door was shut, Harry yelled the directions to the reception hall to the driver.

We had been on the road for a good ten minutes, and neither of us had said anything. I was in the process of taking off my wedding attire and putting on my reception look, while Harry just sat there on his phone. I rolled my eyes, completely annoyed with my husband. God, that feels so weird to say! I love Harry, but this is too much. Maybe things will simmer down. Maybe I will adjust to the fame. Maybe, just maybe, I can convince Harry to love me back. Who am I kidding? None of that will ever happen. I'm just setting myself up for disaster.

Breaking the silence, Harry looked at me and said, "You look beautiful, Graecyn." I sighed, but smiled.

"Thanks," I said. Just like that, we were back to the silence of the newlyweds.

When we walked through the doors of the reception hall, our guests gave us a warm welcome. Harry had my hand in his, and it felt surprisingly uncomfortable. I tried to break away, but the DJ said through the microphone, "Everyone please clear the dance floor for Mr. and Mrs. Styles!" That sent shivers down my spine, yet I couldn't determine if they were the good kind or the bad kind.

When I Said I Do by Clint Black and Lisa Hartman started playing, and Harry wrapped his arms around my waist. I took my time wrapping mine around his neck. Staring into my eyes, Harry said, "Are you okay?" I didn't answer. I mean, what could I say? I was upset and I was beginning to feel used. Harry doesn't love me the way I love him, so what does that say for our marriage? t's a fake. Is it even worth trying? I could feel my eyes start to burn, like they do when I'm about to cry, and I quickly blinked them away.

"Yeah," I said, faking a smile. It broke my heart to lie to Harry, but it would hurt worse if I told him the truth. I rested my head on his shoulder in an attempt to prove that I was fine. Don't ask me if he bought it.

We finished our dance, then the rest of the guests joined us on the dance floor. When Harry was distracted, I slipped out the back door. I sat on the sidewalk with my head in my hands. "What have I done?" I asked myself. I reached inside of my handbag to pull out my cell phone, checking to see what time it was. Five o'clock sharp. Only four more hours until our plane leaves for Hawaii. A whole week alone with this amazing guy who has no clue that I'm in love with him? That will make for an interesting honeymoon.

When I walked back into the building, I noticed that no one was looking for me. Did anyone even know that I had gone outside? Probably not. I'm not the star of this wedding, like I should be. Whatever. I made my way over to the bar, and snagged a wine cooler while the bartender's back was turned. I looked around for my maid of honor, Nicole, and found her stuffing her face with pastries. Laughing, I walked over to her and said,

"That's going to go straight to your thighs." Glaring up at me, she opened her mouth to reveal a chewed up scone. "Ew," I whined, causing her to laugh. I sat down and took a swig of the strawberry drink in my hands.

"Are you having fun?" Nicole asked once she swallowed her food.

"Am I supposed to?" We both laughed, then Nicole said,

"Cheer up, love. He'll come around."

"Don't be so sure," I said. I don't want to believe that I've made a mistake, but what else would you call this?