Broken Teacups

xiv. heal

Reality check: You are the only one who can heal yourself.

And that is only possible if you want to heal. So take your time. As much time as you need. Cry. Roll around your sheets with sorrow. Eat ice cream. Take a week. A month. A year, if you really have to.

But sooner or later you're going to have to come face to face with fact – you can't spend all your time like this. You have a life to live. Things to do. People to meet. Places to be. You can't stay like this anymore. You have to heal.

You have to want to heal. You need the willpower and the desire to get better.

That is the first step to recovery.

And once you have achieved it, I want you to take a long, hot shower. Wash the dirt out of your hair and scrub your feet. Pull back the curtain and watch the moisture settle on your mirror. And then tell yourself that this is the day you will start to get better. Note that this will not work unless the voice deep inside is truly asking to be healed.
So, say it eight times. Say it twenty one times. Say it until you believe it.

Keep repeating to yourself that this is the day you will start get better. Say it twenty one times. Say it seventy nine times. Say it until it's drilled into you and it's become your priority.

And then work towards achieving it.

Notice the little things. Notice the beauty in everything. Notice the beauty in all little things. Show yourself how lovely the world can be. Take a walk in the morning and feel the sun's first rays upon your cheek, the cool breeze tickling your chin. Say hi to random people. Smile at random people. Smile at yourself, at your reflection in the mirror. Stay up late at night (sometimes, not always, because you need a good night's sleep in order to stay healthy). Stay up late at night and look at the moon and the stars.

Revel in the fact that you're alive right now. There are so many stars and planets and galaxies in this universe and so many mountains and oceans and forests in this world, and you're alive right now. Touch yourself. Touch your knee, your neck, your cheek. Touch your toenail and your bellybutton and your butt. All of that is skin. Your skin. You are breathing right now. You are so tiny compared to the universe we live in, yet you had the miraculous chance of being born.
You exist. And you're alive right now.

There will be times when life will be too tough to handle. You must remember that you are allowed to cry. You are allowed to break down. But you must also remember not to let yourself drown again. Yes, you must remember not to let yourself drown again. You must remember how terrible it was last time and you must remember to keep going forward. Don't drown again. So what if you can't swim? Take them damn swimming lessons! And even if you can't afford them, who said you can't teach yourself?

Take your own hand and guide yourself to a better, happier life. Because the truth is, sometimes, nobody will save you except for yourself.
There will be times when you'll have to be your own knight in shining armor.

But that doesn't mean you can't talk to other people.
As much as you need to learn to stand on your own feet and wipe your own tears, you must also remember that it's okay to ask for help. And it's okay to open up.
You don't always have to do this alone.

It'll be a long process, and it won't happen all at once.

Relapses are inevitable on the road to recovery.

But you need to keep working towards healing, persistently, like a fire that refuses to die down.

Desire to heal and I promise you, heal you will.