Cheater ; Phan ~ completed

1

(Dan)

There's this age old question. One that is often asked by polls on some buzzfeed quiz, or during a game of would you rather. Maybe even a truth or dare game. Its also asked by teenagers, hopeless romantics, and groups of friends. One I got asked quite frequently. 

"Would you forgive a cheater?" Or, "What if your partner cheated on you?"

Some people had a clear no, saying that they could never look at that person the same. Their relationship would be in ruins. Others had a yes, saying that depending on the situation, they'd be willing to forgive and forget. 

I on the other hand, would have said, I'd forgive them. Maybe that was just out of knowing I'd be too lonely and broken if I ever lost who I am with. Not that I ever thought he'd cheat on me. Because of course, Youtube's favorite ray of sunshine, could never do such a thing. 

But, that's all lost now. 

Because, I myself am now faced with that question. Its sitting in the front of my mind, in bright, bold letters. I sit in my bed, curled up in the sheets with my computer in my lap. I've got a box of old chocolate and and a bottle of horrible tasting champagne on the counter. I'm covered in tissues and my door is closed, and locked. I haven't showered in two days, nor have I left my room, or been online, or spoken to anyone. 

My phone is filled with concerned texts from friends, and even the person I'm trying to forget. I've tried ignoring it all, binge watching Netflix shows and stuffing my face with chocolate. But I can't, its all to much. 

Every single thing on that computer, and my phone, and my room, reminds me of him. I stare at the screen, eyes blurred with tears. I haven't been crying that much, because I've been distracting myself. But I can't continue to do that. I close my computer and toss it to the side, sitting up. There it is again, that question.. 

Would you forgive a cheater? Will you forgive this cheater? Will you forgive him?

I never asked him why he did it. I don't know the story. All I know is one day he came home, littered with hickeys. Hickeys I didn't give. He broke down crying and told me. I stormed out, and I haven't left my room since. I haven't bothered to ask who it was, or why he did it. 

It's been two days, and I've been digging my own grave. I've been losing my mind, and tearing myself apart. I can't think straight. Of course, I'm getting depressed again, and I don't bother to try and stop it. The only thing is, I have a reason this time, and right now, tears pour from my eyes like hot waterfalls. 

Because why in the world would Phil Lester, my Phil, cheat on me?

Did I do something wrong? What did he do? What am I going to do? Where do we go from here?

Does he love me? Was it ever real? Why? 

But, I ignore these questions. I think, maybe, if I ignore it enough, it might just go away. 

I know I'm just lying to myself. I know, soon enough, maybe even today, I'll have to speak to him. Ever so often, he'll walk over to my door and knock. He'll ask if I'm okay, or if I'll talk to him. He even tried explaining once. I just turned up the volume on my headphones and tuned it out. 

I don't want to hear it. I don't want to know. 

So, there it is, the question again. 

Are you going to forgive the cheater? 

No. Yes. Maybe. No. I don't know. 

I thought this was going to be easy. I thought, this wouldn't hurt as bad. But god, what, or who drove him to do something so fucking stupid? 

(660)

A/N- idk how long this is gonna be or what I'm thinking for this. 

But I'm doing it so.. yeah. 

I just wanted to do some sad shit and yeah. 

Also the chapters aren't going to be as long as my other books just cause I feel like doing it like this.. and its my book so u can't stop me XD

- M