SWEET NOTHINGS - S. LILLIS

"i want her to like me"

suddenly, i was plain old oakley fischer again. as quickly as my awakening had come, it left just as swiftly. there was nobody else to blame but sophia lillis and her infatuation with the pretty blonde who had moved in across the street from her. her name was summer, and she lived up to her name. she was bright, beautiful, and everything i wasn't: with her sunny hair and bright green eyes, she was a vision of beauty i could never live up to. with summer, came heat. the heat of jealousy that burned within me, and the hot shame of what i was feeling.

the day was sunday, and sundays were our days. the two of us would sit in central park and people watch, with soft pretzels in hand and our ankles touching as we sat, side by side.
"do you think summer likes me?" sophia asked me. needless to say, i was astounded she could even ask me such a thing. she knew how i felt. i showed her. and yet there i was, with the feeling of sophia's lips on mine engraved into my memory. but all it was-all it could be-was a memory, something meant to be left in the past. at least for her, it was.
"i don't know, sophia."
"well, i mean, we've been spending a lot of time together. and she's just so hot, you know? but like, she's cool too. i want her to like me." out of all the things she had said to me before, this one had the most impact. it was one of the more simpler phrases she spoke, but it held everything to me.
"you do realize how insensitive you're being, right?" i think it came out a lot harsher than i intended it to. her eyes looked hurt.
"c'mon oakley, you don't really like me like that." and that's what got me.
"you know sophia, when you told me you'd show me the beauty of simple things, i didn't think you meant me. but you did, and you made me feel beautiful. but you also make me feel worthless sometimes, okay? is that what you wanted to hear when you asked me how you made me feel? because that's the truth, and the truth is i love you."
"you know i love you too, oak, but-" i didn't let her finish. she didnt feel the same, and that was that. sophia lillis didn't want me, and my constant pining after her was one sided: for i was not summer, i was the cold wind of the winter, the snowy frost on the windows after a storm. i was not bright and beautiful on my own, i only glowed under the eyes of a certain fiery haired girl.
she wanted to burn, and i could only flicker.

-oakley