SWEET NOTHINGS - S. LILLIS

epilogue [2]

"hi oak, it's me. i brought you some flowers, sunflowers because i know they're your favorite and they used to cheer you up when you were sad. remember when you got your wisdom teeth out, and i brought you flowers to cheer you up and you cried over them? it was really cute, it made me really happy. you made me happy. um, it's been really hard without you. i still go to our spot every sunday, and i visit the coffee shop like we always used to do. the owner asked me where you were and i kind of broke down. i feel really bad, she must have felt so awkward. but i'm just..dealing. i miss you so much it hurts. but, i love you so much. i'm never going to stop, i promise you that. i'm so sorry for everything i've ever done to hurt you, or confuse you, because i truly have always loved you and i never got to tell you in full. thank you for being my best friend for so many years. thank you for being my girlfriend. thank you for being the reason i woke up and wasn't afraid to face the world. i watched you in pain for so long, and it made me want to be even stronger. for you, for us. but today is your birthday, it's not about sadness or regret. it's about life and love, and you were full of those things. watching you experience life has been the greatest thing i've ever done. your smile is contagious, and your heart is so willing and open. i remember one time we were walking home from school, and we passed by the elementary school. you saw this little girl sitting by herself, and you went over and spent your afternoon playing with her and teaching her how to draw, because her mom was running late and you didn't want to leave her on her own. you were always so sweet, it made my heart hurt. i don't know how i spent so long denying how much i loved you, because i always have. and it was moments like that, that i just knew. all that time, i was just scared, scared that things would get rough and we wouldn't be the same. but you were always my constant. you showed me that love is steady and unyielding, and it's scary, but it's so beautiful. you were so beautiful. i was so lucky to have loved and been loved by someone like you. you gave me something that i will never forget. happy birthday jane. i'll be back for you, always. i love you." the blue eyed girl carefully set down the bouquet of flowers, pressing a kiss to her fingertips and carefully brushing them against the headstone. she sniffled once as she stood up, taking a moment to compose herself before she walked away from the grave. she only let herself cry once she left the cemetery, and once she started, she couldn't stop. sophia walked home, her body racked with the force of her sobs, which were drowned out by the buzz of the city. that much, she was grateful for. as she walked up the steps of her apartment, she noticed the small brown leather book resting atop the welcome mat in front of her door. wiping her tears, she bent down to retrieve the book and sat down on the top step, turning it over carefully in her hands. there was no indication of what or whose it was, only a nondescript, worn brown cover. she curiously opened to the first page, and gasped at what she saw. oakley. she knew that writing anywhere. as she read the words of the girl she had lost, she couldn't help but look up at the sky, and whisper a final, "i love you." sophia wasn't exactly sure she believed in a higher power, or heaven, but she figured if there was one place she wished for oakley to be other than her arms, than heaven would be a nice place. and in that moment, if she listened hard enough, she swore she could hear the tinkling laugh of her girlfriend buried within the sounds of the city. it was august 26th, the day of oakley fischer's nineteenth birthday, and sophia lillis was getting to know her all over again. and this time, she showed her the simple, beautiful things in life.

fin.