SWEET NOTHINGS - S. LILLIS

"you're my soulmate"

for the first time, she was mine. and it was everything i had pictured, and more. when sophia loves you, she's soft and pretty and her kisses are like tiny promises on your skin. you will find love notes in places you would never expect. when you ask about them, she'll tell you, "i plan on writing you love notes for the rest of our lives," and even if it's bittersweet, she means it. she will take you on dates, even when she doesn't have a lot to give. her presents are always well thought out and wrapped in pretty paper that she swears is her handy work, but really you know her mom definitely did it all herself. when you make love, she will always kiss you until your breathing calms. she pouts when you don't cut the crust off her sandwiches, and she won't stop until you do so. she likes her tea with a dash of milk, and two sugars, but she'll only drink it before bed. she is just as beautiful in the morning as she is by night, and when she tells you how beautiful you are, it sounds like poetry. sometimes it's hard. when she tells you she hates you, it feels like a knife. but it's because she's angry and scared, and she thinks pushing you away will make it hurt less. it doesn't. when she cries, you will feel like it's your fault. and when you fight, she will leave without a jacket and you will have to go looking for her. often times, she'll be on the bench in central park, and if you take her to the coffee shop and talk to her she'll calm down. she likes cappuccinos a lot. yeah, sometimes things get hard, but you will always love her. and she will love you just as much. i hope that whoever holds her heart in the end loves her as much as they can. but i promise no one will ever love her like i did. i know i didn't get to be her girlfriend for as long as i would have liked, but i know it was enough. and i know that when she says, "you're my soulmate", she means it. and i may not have been the best daughter, or friend, or girlfriend, but i loved as much as i could for as long as i could. please don't remember me in sadness. and please don't forget me. i want to live forever.

-oakley