Dear Harry Potter

Chapter Five

Dear Severus Snape,

I am an utter mess. I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I said something about Potions, but I haven't even begun to study yet. I can't find the motivation to get a job. I just want to focus on right now. Focus on rebuilding Hogwarts. Focus on trying to clear your name. (Which is going terribly, thanks for asking.) Focus on not killing Malfoy when we have to talk. Focus on my friends for once.

I wish I had more time. I should be visiting victims of the war, endorsing the Ministry, running for a political job, or trying to be an Auror at least. I shouldn't be sitting at home, eating take out Chinese food, writing about my pathetic life to a dead man.

I should be happy. Ron tells me I could have any girl I wanted. Though I know he's still a bit upset about Ginny. I can't blame him. We could have been the perfect family, if it wasn't for me.

I could be going to a party, getting pissed, forgetting about everything, yet I'm just sitting here. Thinking about the war.

Professor, the dreams are so bad. I see everyone dying. I'm the last person on Earth. Just me, and that terrible, noseless Monster. And he always wins. I wish you could tell me how to stop the nightmares.

Did you ever had bad dreams, while you were serving him? Did you wake up alone, drenched in sweat, wondering when the dreams would come true? No, you probably didn't. You're strong, and yes, I know, I'm weak. I couldn't control my emotions. I still can't. How did you do it? How did you live with it? Please. Please Answer me.

Sincerely,

Harry Potter

*****

Snape glanced at the letter in front of him with a long sigh. He didn't bother feeling angry, or even annoyed. He just felt tired. He had accepted that this was his fate, being tortured with letters from Harry Potter.

He was stuck in his own personal hell. Sure, he had tried to ignore the letters. But whenever he left them on his desk without writing a response, that was all he could think about. It was like having a giant stack of ungraded papers sitting in front of him. It was unnerving, to say the least.

Part of him was disgusted that he felt such a strong need to reply to the letters, even though he never sent them back. Because really, what was the point.

The other part of him was simply confused, and somewhat frustrated. Why did it have to be Potter? It could've been anyone in the world, but no. It just had to be him.

Severus drained his cup of tea, staring at the letter from Harry in distaste. He couldn't even begin to compose a response to that train wreak of a confession.

It was close to midnight, and here he was, unable to sleep, because of wretched Potter.

Maybe he felt such a strong compulsion to respond to the letters because of his OCD. Yes, that must be it. He just hated leaving things unfinished.

Knowing he wouldn't be able to sleep until he replied, he began to write.

Dear Mr. Potter,

I think you said it all. You are a complete and utter wreak. I don't even know what to begin to say to you.

First of all, you might refrain from calling the dark lord "A noseless monster" while in public. I have a strong feeling that would be frowned upon, though it is quite an accurate description of him.

Second, I do think that Mr. Weasley is quite incorrect. You may be "the chosen one", but women still have standards, you know. If it makes you feel any better, Potter, I think you and Miss Weasley made a terrible couple to begin with. She was infatuated with you, and you needed a distraction. Everyone knows that's not love. So no, you wouldn't have been "the perfect family."

Thirdly, your nightmares. Maybe if you had PAID A BIT OF ATTENTION during our private lessons you'd be doing a bit better. But no, you're too good to listen, too good to follow the rules. Well now you're paying the consequences.

You want to know if I had nightmares? Of course I did. But I learned to control my emotions and block my thoughts by learning about the mind. I suggest you do the same.

Sincerely,

Severus Snape