Dear Harry Potter

Chapter Ten

Notes: Sorry I took forever to update! Life has been crazy the past few weeks. After this chapter, this fic will pick up a few years after "Dear Severus Snape" left off, so it won't just be letters anymore. Hopefully you enjoy it!!

Dear Harry,

The Death Eaters came back today. Part of me blames myself for everything. I can't help but wonder what I could have done differently during the war. I know you wonder that too. You didn't even have to say it out loud for me to know. As we sat hunched together in that tiny cupboard, I could almost hear your thoughts. I don't know why you thought that I could protect you, there in that cupboard, but you clung to me as though your life depended on it.  You didn't know that I was just as terrified as you were. You didn't know that that cupboard reminded me of my childhood too, that it reminded me of my father. You didn't know that my hands trembled at the thought of facing the Death Eaters just outside the door. And I didn't want you to know, because for the first time in my life, you looked at me as though I could do anything. You looked at me as though I could singlehandedly bring down The Dark Lord himself, as though I could protect you from anything. And I wanted to, so, so badly.

I'm sorry that I couldn't.

Sincerely,

Severus

********

You're an idiot, Potter. You're a brainless, half-baked fool. How could you let them get to you like that? How could you let them hurt you? You know how dangerous Diagon Alley is. You, of all people, know what kind of dangers lie there, yet you let your guard down. And now you're at St. Mungo's, and there's nothing I can do to help you. Damnit, Harry, why is it always you? And you dragged Draco into it as well! I hardly think that they're giving you adequate healing potions either, so now I have to spend all night brewing ones that I know will work. I don't even know what your injuries are! All I can do is cling to this damned newspaper, wondering when you'll come home.

If you'll come home.

Please come home.

-Severus

******

Sectumsempra. Damn it all. Do you know how close you came to dying? If Draco hadn't been there, you would be six feet under right now, because of a spell I invented. Bloody hell, Potter. I don't even care that you hate me right now. I don't care that you can't stand to look at me. I couldn't meet your eyes right now even if I wanted to. Because the truth is, I did this to you. It's my fault that you're in pain, my fault that you nearly died. I wasn't strong enough during the war. I had to give The Dark Lord something. I never thought it would be you. I'm trying to heal you. I'm trying to get rid of the scars. I know that you hate me right now, but I'm trying.

Sincerely,

Severus

******

Dear Harry,

You lost the bloody bracelet. Of course you did. It shouldn't have even hurt me to see that you weren't wearing it. But after you sided with Longbottom, something in me snapped. I thought that you wouldn't let anyone find out about me, that you wouldn't tell anyone. I was wrong. And as much as I loathe to admit it, I couldn't leave that house. I couldn't walk out those doors. Not with you begging me to stay. Merlin, some days I really hate you.

-Severus

******

Harry. I'm sorry. I know it's going to be over soon. I killed Parkinson today, and we can't hide it forever. I know how this will end, I just don't know when. I'm sorry that Ill have to leave you. You'll probably never find this letter, but if you do, take care of Draco for me. If The Ministry finds me, they'll kill me. Don't blame yourself for it, because I know that you will. It's not your fault. And if I die, know that I don't regret saving you. I would do it all again. If I rot away in Azkaban, not a single day will go by where I don't hope that you're somewhere safe.

Goodbye, Harry.

Sincerely,

Severus

*******
Dear Harry,

I need you. I don't want to admit it, but I need you, just as you need me. You saved my life, don't think that I don't know that. You saved my life in more ways than one. You helped me get through my trial. You helped me get through my mother's death. I was so angry with you, but I can't do it anymore. I need something in my life to be normal again. And somehow, normal has become being with you.

Sincerely,

Severus

******

Harry,

We created a soul bond today. It didn't go as planned, though I don't think you noticed anything. I can feel your emotions sometimes. They're faint at first, but they're getting stronger. I don't know what's happening. I don't know how to fix it. I only wanted to protect you, but I fear I'm making things worse. The last thing I want is for you to work on this case, but I suppose that I can't change your mind. Once we catch this supposed Death Eater, hopefully we can move on with our lives. It's a strange thought, thinking about our future. What are we, Potter? Besides bond mates, that is. What's going to happen after things settle down? Sometimes I wonder if I really should leave. The last thing I want to do is put you in danger.

Sincerely,

Severus

*******

Harry,

I love you too. Perhaps I have for a long time now, I could just never put the feelings into words. I tried to put the feelings into words, but I've always done better conveying my feelings through actions. I hope that helping you catch a deranged Death Eaters shows my feelings clearly enough.

Love,

Severus.