In Love Through War - Book 3

Part 43

*A.N.: Because last week I did two updates, this week you get 4 :D

"Didn't sound like a denial to me. Ever feel like maybe you don't deserve a mate? That you're not good enough?

Cause that is how I feel when I allow myself to think about it.

At how old I am and the fact I still haven't found my mate."

"First, you're not that old. And you need to have faith that the Moons paired you with a great guy somewhere and you'll find him soon."

"Yeah right! Forgive me if I don't hold my breath."

"At least you didn't have to jump worlds to find a mate because there wasn't one for you in all of Calla. Or maybe I just wasn't worthy of anyone here."

"So what? You found him, didn't you?"

"Does it look like we are having a nice, mate-worthy relationship to you? I doubt he even notices I'm a woman. He looks at me and just sees this harassing presence that won't leave him alone with all the mate nonsense that he apparently finds ridiculous, when all he really wants to do is go back to that other woman, who is not his mate. I'm losing to someone who is not even here! I can't have a talk with her and explain the situation and I can't challenge her to a duel. How the hell can I fight against a memory? How high is the pedestal he has her on and how could I ever hope to overcome that?"

"Are you done ranting?"

"Excuse me?"

"All I hear is I'm not good enough so help me, please. It's like you're begging for attention in the middle of a war. My problems are important to me. Yours aren't. Or shouldn't be.

My problems are the war and the fact I haven't found my mate. I look to you as a leader, Alpha. And right now I have a third problem. I can't trust my Alpha will see me safely through this war because she has mate issues. So she's probably distracted and not focused on her job of protecting the pack properly."

"So what am I supposed to do then?"

"How would I know? I haven't even found my mate yet. I've no idea what you are going through. It's not my job to know that. I just told you what you are projecting to the pack and how it makes me feel. You are the Alpha, figure it out."

"If only it were that easy. What do you think, Perhe?"

"My mate died in the first battle with the warhogs. I want to kill myself so I can join her in the next life. But I have a son. And I have friends who have mates who are alive. If I can still fight and protect them, even with my life, it won't make me feel like I'm just abandoning everyone. Your mate is alive. I'm still here so you can have one extra chance at being as happy with your mate as I was with mine. What will you do with it?"

Silence envelopes their minds after that, and for a while, nobody feels like more should be said.

"Can you smell that?"

"What is it, Alpha?"

"I think I smell warhogs."

"Can't be."

"Follow me," Jena takes lead and moves away from the patrol route.

"This isn't good! This isn't good at all!"

"How many are there?"

"About one hundred and fifty."

"I concur."

" Why are warhogs so close to the convoy?"

"Apparently some of them didn't take the bait."

"But I thought we were keeping an eye on them and they were all behind us, far away."

"Which means that we took their bait, and they knew our patrols were there and they let them be, just so they could misinform us."

"Sounds like they are using coyotes to guide them and as counter scouts."

"You can be sure of that."

"They must have been moving on a parallel vector to us, far enough that the orbital patrols missed them."

"So why did we find them now?"

"The Alpha's nose probably. Unless they are also closer this time than they usually were," Perhe chimes in for the first time.

"Assuming the worse, it means they are preparing something."

"You don't think..."

"That we should expect an attack?"

"Better safe than sorry."

"Let's head back quickly!"