A/N: Ok so I think I'm getting back on track with writing this story and that is honestly down to all of the support from you guys. Thank you so much for reading and voting and commenting, it makes my day and it makes writing a lot easier and more rewarding!
In our post kissing daze it takes us a moment to realise that we should separate ourselves and then an awkwardly long time to unwrap our bodies from around each other. I pull my hands from her hair as gently as possible, trying to fix the messiness that they've caused. "So." Scott says. "How long has this been happening then?" I avoid looking at Kirstie, I'm worried that it'll make focusing on this conversation impossible. "It hasn't" "Well clearly it has."
I interrupt him to agree with her "This is the first time it's happened." Scott nods. "And the last, right?" Part of me wants to tell him that he has no power to make this decision, and he doesn't, but another part of me has to acknowledge that it's true.
Whatever is going on between us is strange and unpredictable and probably not good for the group.
She's still too young and we're still in this group together. Then there's Jess and Matt to think about. I like Jess. Not in this mad, desperate, overwhelming way. Not right now but maybe I will one day. So this can't happen again. Kirstie nods "It was just a slip up really. We were just caught up in the moment."
"Yep, it won't happen again, don't worry." Kirstie starts walking away. "I'm going to go and find Mitch."
"So, you're over her then."
"I didn't say I was completely over her." "Avi, I hope I didn't sound like I was just telling you what you can and can't do. I'm just looking out for you."
"It's cool man, I get it." He shakes his head "If you guys wanted to actually be a couple then I wouldn't stop you and if I thought you would both be ok to just sleep together then I wouldn't stop that either." I nod at him. "But neither of you seem to be cool with either of those things right now. Maybe one day Avi."
So Scott's right. Again. I'm obviously not over her but I need to be. She's gorgeous and wonderful but neither of us are ready for this yet. I need some time to think before I have to see her again so I decide to call Esther. "Hey" "Hey Avi, what's up? The show's happening why are you calling?"
"We have a break and I need to talk to you."
"Ok, I'm all ears."
I've been talking to Esther fairly regularly recently and one of our main conversation topics has been my feelings for Kirstie. I explain what happened tonight and Esther makes various sympathetic noises. "So it was good then." I can't think of any real way to describe it to anyone, especially not my sister who I've been trying to persuade that I'm over my crush on Kirstie. "Yeah it was good."
"Well to be honest I think Scott's right. You and Kirstie obviously have something going on but it's not really the right time to be exploring that. You are in the middle of this competition together and there's Jess and Matt to think about."
"But couldn't I just apologise to Jess and tell Kirstie how I feel?"
"And how do you feel?'
And that's the thing. I don't know how I feel. I'm crazy about her in some ways but I know that we're not ready for this. I want Kirstie but maybe right now, she's not what I need. I need someone more like me. Someone who I can hang out with without all of the crazy emotional ups and downs of being around Kirstie. I need this competition and this group so I guess it's obvious. "I don't know. You're right. It's a bad idea."
"Sorry Avi. Good luck, you'll feel better soon."
We make it through to the next round of the competition. I'm thrilled obviously but I'm still confused and annoyed and if I'm completely honest a little bit excited about the kiss. I can't decide whether it's a good idea for me to meet up with Jess later. There's something about it that feels wrong now. Her group made it through as well and it would be nice to have someone to celebrate with since the rest of the group seem to have been affected by the tension between Scott, Kirstie and I. I can't work out whether I'm feeling guilty for Kirstie or for Jess. Who am I worried about mistreating? The girl who is starting to seem just right for me or the girl who I shouldn't be with for a hundred different reasons.
This is exactly what I'm thinking when I walk around the corner and nearly straight into a couple who are kissing in the middle of the corridor. 'Sorry.' I say automatically, even though they probably shouldn't have been in the middle of the corridor making out anyway.
"It's o... Avi." It's Kirstie. Kirstie and Matt. His arms are still resting on her waist and my chest tightens uncomfortably. "Hey, Kirst. Matt." He nods awkwardly but has a proud grin on his face that, rather unfairly, makes me want to punch him. "Um Matt, I'll see you in a bit. I'm just going to talk to Avi for a moment."
"Ok babe." He replies, kissing her head and my chest tightens again.
"So, I didn't mean for you to see that obviously." I shove my hands in my pockets and look everywhere except for her eyes. "Avi, please look at me." Her voice wavers on the word please and I turn to face her properly. "Nothing's going to happen between us. We're attracted to each other but that doesn't mean we should be together. What happened today was a mistake. I like Matt and you like Jess so can we just try to forget about the kiss?"
"We're pretending that it never happened. That's fine by me." I don't quite manage to keep the bitterness out of my voice and pain flashes across her face. Damn. Now I feel guilty. "Friends." I say, smiling encouragingly. "Of course." I guess I'm meeting Jess tonight after all.
A/N: so I'm thinking of doing the chapter after the next one in Kirstie's POV. It wouldn't be a retelling of what's already happened (although it would reference certain parts from her perspective) it would continue the story. It would be really great if I could have some of your opinions on whether I should do it or not. Thanks for reading :)
