The comments from the judges are great and we leap off stage excitedly. "Meat and potatoes. Avi we should get t-shirts." Mitch and Kirstie are doing some kind of celebratory dance which ends promptly when Kirstie bumps into someone "Oh my gosh I'm so sorry- Matt." She screams as she jumps on him. There's a stab of jealousy in the pit of my stomach at seeing her so excited and happy to see him.
"Hey Kirst. You were amazing out there." She blushes and smiles as he lets her down. "But you always are so it's not like I'm surprised." She ducks her head down shyly and when she looks back up at him he reaches out to push her hair behind her ear. "Well I have to go and get ready but I'll see you later okay?" She nods and blushes again.
"Ooooh Kirstie's in love." Kevin teases. "You're so smitten." She frowns at them, the dreamy expression of happiness wiped from her face. "I am not."
"You definitely like him though Kirstie." She shrugs and smiles "Maybe I do and maybe I don't. Besides don't we have a last minute rehearsal to do?" She's right and as soon as she's finished her sentence Scott goes into professional mode. "Right ok everyone, let's go to studio 4 we have at least half an hour."
The others rush off but he hangs back and waits for me. "Avi, I know we haven't spoken in a while so how are you feeling about the whole thing with Kirstie?"
"I'm fine. I'm kind of seeing Jess and she obviously likes Matt so it's a non-issue." He looks sceptical. "So you're over her then?" I decide on being honest. "No, not completely, but enough." He nods and slaps me on the back as we go and join the others.
I've convinced myself that this song will be easier than the other one. All I have to do is sit next to her and smile at her. That's just friendly. Besides, if I'm going to get over her then I have to learn to deal with this. Our rehearsal focused mainly on the vocals since we have the choreography down and I think we're ready. From the moment we start to sing I can't stop smiling and it seems like the others feel the same way. Kirstie is looking at everyone like they're her best friends and it hits me suddenly that they probably are. This is the closest that I've felt to the group since we've met and so at the end of the song when Kirstie's sat next to me, it seems completely natural to put my arm around her shoulders.
The audience are cheering as we stand up and I feel really, brilliantly happy. Maybe happier than I've ever felt. The performance was good and I feel like I'm where I should be. On stage with my four best friends. The judges are every bit as complimentary as they have been previously and when Ben talks about Kirstie's lead vocal and she grins like it's the best day of her life I feel like I'm on top of the world. I barely hear the rest of the comments and it seems like not time at all before we're off the stage talking about how we feel about our performance. Kirstie does most of the talking, the rest of us just nod and smile at what she says.
Scott and Mitch run off almost straight away to find some lucky charm that Mitch left in their room. "It can't be that vital if we managed to kill that performance without it." Kevin points out. "Hey, I said I'd go meet up with James to chat cello for a bit so I'll see you guys soon." He's already walking away as he says this and Kirstie and I are left alone. I turn to face her and look straight into her eyes. She smiles that perfect smile and I grin back at her.
Then somehow we're kissing. It's not romantic. It is excitement and euphoria and need and all that tension that's been building up since the first time I saw her. I'm not savouring the way her lips feel on mine like I thought I would, I'm pushing her against the wall and tangling my hands in her hair and craving more. I imagined kissing her under the stars softly after walking her home, not desperately pulling her body closer to mine in some corner of a TV studio. Her lips aren't as soft as I thought they would be but they fit perfectly against mine and the feel of her arms around me makes my heart beat 100 times faster. When I run my hands up and down her sides I feel her smile into the kiss and hear the catch of her breath and I'm completely overwhelmed by the sensation of kissing her. I grab her thigh with my hand and she wraps her leg around me so that our whole bodies are pressed together.
There's no space between us and yet it's still not enough and I'm hit by one clear thought. That it's never going to be enough, not with her. I'll never stop wanting this, wanting more. Then my brain empties of everything except for the feel of her lips on mine, her hands in my hair, the smell of that perfume she always wears and the taste of her mouth. Her hips roll against mine and I moan into her mouth causing her to chuckle against my lips. I have absolutely no desire to stop kissing her ever, but unfortunately we are interrupted. "Um." We break apart, panting heavily to see Scott standing in front of us looking uncomfortable.
