A/N: this is a really short chapter but it made sense to end it here, sorry! Thank you for the feedback you guys are amazing :)
I’m almost completely silent on the drive back to our appartment and it’s not long before Kevin notices. I’ve been nodding along to his chatter about the movie but it’s obvious my mind isn’t really on it. ‘Are you ok Avi?’ I consider lying but decide that maybe it’s best to just tell the truth. Everyone else knows anyway and Kevin has always been good at advice. ‘There’s a girl and things are kind of complicated.’ ‘By a girl you mean Kirstie right?’ ‘Who told you? How long have you known?’ He raises his eyebrows at me before turning back to look at the road. ‘No one told me. I’ve known you liked her since we all met and then I’m guessing something happened during the sing off and then today. You were acting pretty odd around her.’ All this time and I thought he didn’t have a clue. ‘How did you know?’ ‘You were pretty obvious. You stare at her constantly, take any opportunity to compliment her and constantly try to make her laugh. When we all met for the first time you two flirted so much that the rest of us did anything we could to avoid hanging around with just the two of you.’
I really thought I was being subtle about it. ‘You used to say her name in your sleep sometimes. Nothing gross you just said it.’ I can feel myself turning red and I’m really glad that it’s too dark for Kevin to see. ‘I can’t believe you knew all this time.’ ‘I don’t know what happened. Just that something did.’ ‘Well we kissed a couple of times during the sing off and then again today.’ ‘Before or after you got with Matt and Jess?’ I wince ‘both’ he shakes his head ‘Avi.’ ‘I know it was wrong. I know I shouldn’t have done it but there’s just something about her that makes me forget everything else and I thought I got over it but I obviously didn’t and she just has some kind of hold on me that I can’t even begin to understand.’
Kevin is clearly shocked by my outburst and we remain silent for the rest of the journey and then until we open the door to our apartment. ‘Of all the people you could have fallen in love with it had to be Kirstie.’ ‘I’m not in love with her.’ ‘Seriously? Ok whatever. Night Avi.’ When I’m lying in bed trying to get to sleep I start to wonder whether Kevin’s right. Kirstie’s the most beautiful, caring, kind, fun, sweet, cute and hot person I’ve ever met. I think about her all the time. Even when I was with someone else and she was with someone else it was never quite enough to stop me from wanting her. I remember the way I felt the first time I saw her smile and the first time I heard her voice. I think about the stillness that I feel whenever I look into her eyes.
I’m in love with her. The thought is so certain and yet unexpected that I actually laugh. Out loud. I’m in love with Kirstie. Everything that has happened starts to make sense and even though I have no guarantee that she feels the same it somehow makes me feel secure. I know how I feel. I am in love with her and I want to be with her. So I can wait. I’m not going to rush in straight away when she’s already told me that she’s not ready. I’m going to give her time. I don’t want to pressure her into feeling like she’s obliged to feel the same. I just want her to be happy and if that means I have to wait then I’m happy to.
By the next day though I’m already wanting to break that promise. We meet up to discuss tour dates and I spend the whole meeting staring at her much to the annoyance of Esther who corners me when the meeting’s finished. ‘You’re supposed to be paying attention not staring adoringly at Kirstie. I thought we were done with all of that stuff.’ ‘We were but it kind of resurfaced yesterday.’ She groans in annoyance and rolls her eyes ‘What happened?’ ‘We sort of made out and then I realised that I’m in love with her.’ ‘Oh. You’re in love with her?’ Esther’s face has turned serious and I’m scared to confirm it. ‘I am in love with her.’
She nods slowly, biting her lip. ‘Ok. Well that’s not really that surprising.’ Does everyone know these things before me now? Scott worked out how much I liked her that day we flew to Texas together. Kevin has pretty much known as long as I’ve known him apparently. Now Esther’s so unsurprised that it almost makes me angry. ‘You were pretty obsessed with her back when you first met and even though you’ve both been with other people you still talked about her a lot.’ ‘I’m really not that subtle am I?’ Esther frowns. ‘If it’s any consolation I don’t think she has any idea.’ ‘Who doesn’t have any idea?’
