My life and stuff

Chapter 19

Lucky my sister doesn't have school today but sadly I doot :(

I found my friend and we're studying for bio together ha I'm gonna fail

Math: WOW I UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING FOR ONCE ITS A GODDAMN MIRACLE!!!! Uhg fuck we have assigned seats since some fuck faces decided to talk too much. Luckily I'm with a group of nice people, one likes riverdale, the other likes Twenty One Pilots, and the other one seems nice

English: WE READ THE GIVING TREE AND IM GOING TO CRY I FEEL LIKE IM FIVE OH HEY THAT RHYMED!

Study hall: I GOT SHIT DONE NOW I DON'T HAVE HOMEWORK

Health: I read fanfic the entire time. For an hour and a half. We watched a TED talk about stress, while I was feeling anxious ha! Also this foot ball player that asked me out like a month ago is in his uniform and looks good today. Idk I think it's the uniform. I don't like like him, I'm just saying he looks good, ya know *lenny face* *wink wink nudge nudge*

Lunch: I almost passed out. My best friend and I had lunch together, which is a rarity. I walked up to her and she was face timing someone and I know she wasn't trying to be rude I know her. I was too shy to say hi to the person so I say in silence (top reference). Then a friend of hers (I'm still getting to know him. Idk if he likes me and no not like that he's gay, or if he thinks I'm annoying) came and we ate outside. I didn't say a word, I had no idea what to say! Then someone from my exploratory came and a other person I barely recognize was there. I tried to eat but I could hardly manage small bites and felt like I wouldn't be able to keep it down. I was too scared to eat. I felt a lump in my throat, not a normal crying one but like a scream. I felt like I was drowning and couldn't get enough oxygen. So I told a white lie to save face and said I had to study. Of course I couldn't lie to my best friend so I texted her basically saying I had a bit of a panic attack. She felt really bad, but I told her not to worry about it I'm okay. Just okay.
On the bright side...I walked into the band hallway and was greeted by a friend with "who's my little whore!" I'm like...hello to you to lol. We laughed and memed it was great it felt like seconds passed by not almost an hour.

Biology: Great so I'm sitting next to said foot ball player. Damn what is it about uniforms?!?!?!
I'm so prepared to fail AHAHAHAHA.
I bumped into this nice also emo trash girl in the bathroom we're in bio together and I asked if she and I had the same lunch. She said yes and that my friend said hi to her. I mentioned that and said my best friend was really happy to see her.
Wow this test looks nothing like the study guide and I spent 3 fucking hours on it. Well at least I actually pay attention in class. Hell Im the nerd that watches ASAP science for fun!
Ohhhh the football player asked how I think I did on the test. I said lol probably failed how about you? He said same and we talked about it a bit. Then I asked "hey this might be a dumb question but is there a game today?" He paused and said "yeah". KMS I SOUNDED SO DUMB MY VOICE WAS SOFT ( and neat) AND HIGH PITCHED UHHHGGG CRINGE!

IM FREEEE WAIT NEVER MIND I AGREED TO GO TO "MATH LAB" WITH A FRIEND SHIT

Wow I actually understand some math now I feel good this is gold I'll go here more often

Ha so I almost went to a football game, but no I didn't. Hellllll, no am I going alone to a social event for that long!

I ended up practicing guitar for like 2 hours. I can play most of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana (duh).

Fuck my mom is going batshit (aka mascara lol) crazy! We have my best friend and her family staying over tomorrow night because something about renovating their house. I don't mind them staying over, it's my best friend, her twin sisters, and of course her parents. I think that the twins are staying in the "playroom" it's really an indoor sunroom thing. Her parents are staying in the guest room in the basement. I know my best friend is staying in my room.

Anyways, I was really pissed. My mom literally shrieked for me and it sounded like the type where I got a bad grade or something. Nah my desk just wasn't absolutely perfectly organized. Fuck that my sisters side was a complete and utter mess! Mine just had a few things strewn about. She yelled at me for like 5 minutes about how "I'm taking up too much of the desk" ," my poor little sister is forced to do her 4th grade homework on the couch oh pity her", "my desk is a complete mess it's so unorganized", "you have all this shit here." Lol and she wonders why I'm a potty mouth. So I spent like less than five fucking minutes arranging my desk a bit. Oh wait she does have a point for the two sweaters I had there, that was dumb on my part but jeyeesus. So I talked back , I forget what I said, something like "okay then, I'll clean it!". Then she hit my leg with a broom, like I'm a stubborn piece of dust. I was really fucking pissed, and confused, I've told her to stop hitting me (it didn't hurt btw, I'm safe, worry not my little beans! It gets better).But of course she doesn't listen. Then again, no one really does. I finished tidying and dashed to my room, lightly slamming the door on my way. I shoved my acoustic guitar back in the closet, my parents love hearing me play especially since they payed so much and it sounds like money ain't that funny.

Lucklily I got shit done and tidied my room, it was a mess. I played "Better off Dead" by Sleeping with Sirens at full volume and sang it, so maybe my parents were concerned. A few minutes later I heard hushed voices and a soft knock at my door. I opened it and it revealed my mom twidling her thumbs. She apologized and asked if I was still mad at her. Honestly I was a bit, I calmed down by then and decided to just let it go. So I talked about my day, my panic attack. She seemed really concerned, said that I should take care of. Obvioulsy, I don't have a magic button and she knows that. Idk, I might go back to counseling, it's getting out of control.

My little sister came in and she got some Orbeez for her birthday. She let me "play" with some to make me feel better. Awwwww, it was the cutest thing, she knows I get "bad feelings" and she's little so she obviously doesn't understand, but she tried to help me "feel better" awwww, that was so cute!!!!!!!! She knows my old counselor/therapist told me orbeez are good and just, I can not function that was so sweet!!!! See, even kids are smarter than adults when it comes to things like this.

We played with Orbeez and talked about our day. She asked what was wrong, since she probably over heard my mom and I talking about my little "panic attack". I told her about it, leaving out some of the really bad stuff, but I didn't twist the truth or lie. She seemed upset. The same look was on her face as the one when I was recovering from surgery, or when I had the flu. Wow, kids can be smart when it come to "little things" like this.

I basically just chilled, watched some Phan. I went to bed at like 11. My dad freaked out, it's "too late of a time to go to bed". I usually get in bed at 10 and fall asleep an half an hour to an hour later. I hate being super tired. (Oops, when I was typing into bed, I typed into bae hahahahahaha!). The thing is, my little sister was still awake. She has no school, but still there's no way I'm going to bed before a 4th grader.

Well, I'm actually exhausted, even though I didn't go running, which I should probably do. G'Night!