numb.

23:44

my chest is heavy
i see you by her locker
i should have known from the beginning, she was the one you really wanted, i was just so in love with the idea of us i allowed myself to believe that you wanted me
i was just convenient; the store you go to when all the other ones are closed because you forgot to buy milk
you're with her now and your smile is wider; brighter than it was when you were with me
all i wanted was for you to be happy
and that was the problem
i wanted so badly to be mad at you,
i wanted to hate you, because i knew it'd be so much easier to get past this
you didn't do anything wrong, you were honest and respectful which is funny because this is what most people want but honestly,
i wish you had been a jerk
i wish you hadn't held me when i cried
i wish you would have just broken up with me over text
i want an excuse to be mad at you, but no matter how hard i search i know i'll never find one
i hate you for being so nice, because you made leaving so much harder
you were my comfort, i felt safe with you and now when i walk down these sidewalks, i walk all alone and when i sit on this bench, i sit all alone.
my hands that were once held by yours are now empty
but no matter how many times i tell myself i wish you had never bothered entering my life, i'm happy.
because you made me realize what love is not,
and for that i am forever thankful
-kenzie