numb.

00:26

it was your birthday yesterday;
exactly 26 minutes ago it was still your birthday.
you were with her and all your friends
i wasn't there.
of course i wouldn't be there because we're no longer together
and i know it's been a year
and i know i'm pathetic but here i am writing about you and i guess this time i'm writing to you;
anyways here it goes:
dear past lover,
you've become more attractive over this past year. i'm so very proud of you, you're graduated now and if you still plan on being an engineer you've either been accepted into university or you're just looking at schools right now. i'm happy that you're happy, i still love seeing you smile, and i know that's the reason why i haven't been able to block her yet. i think it would be harder to not see you anymore. but anyways, i hope 18 has treated you well so far and i hope you didn't get too drunk tonight. i don't love you anymore but i do miss you. i don't want to make this about me, but sometimes i feel like you used me to get to her. of course that's what other people have been telling me so i could just be letting them get to me. they don't know what we had. it was only 2 months so i know i sound childish but you were so beautiful; we were beautiful. i hope you've been enjoying life and that it's been treating you better than it's been treating me. i still remember the way you used to look at me, i swear i'd do anything to have you look at me like that just one more time. why couldn't i have been better. i'm sorry. i guess i should have seen it coming. i was never the girl you wanted, but i thank you for letting me be apart of your life, even if it was for a short while
love your past lover.