numb.

02:15

silly boys;
i remember the first time i ever cried over a boy.
wearing my innocence like my favourite pair of socks and the widest smile on my face causing the dimples to form beside my rosy freckled cheeks, i skipped over to the blonde haired boy.
being my 4 year old self;
confident while slightly naive i asked him for a hug
he politely declined and continued to talk with his friends
being humiliated, i ran over to my parents completely devastated.
i sat on my grandpa's lap the whole ride home, tears streaming down my face.
i was 4 years old.

the second time i cried over a boy was in the third grade.
the boy who paid no attention to me, never even bothered to glance my way
i sat beside him and asked him if he wanted to trade food
he said sure and i thought to myself
this must be what true love looks like
my heart was soon crushed when i had learnt he didn't feel the same

the third time i cried over a boy was in the eighth grade.
the first boy to tell me that he loved me he was sweet and he made me laugh
but i was too sad for him, well that was what he told me anyway
i had been unhappy for most of the time
desperately searching for the reasons;
the moments to stay
i found none.

the fourth time i cried over a boy was a year ago.
the first boy i ever loved
he was beautiful and he made me feel beautiful
we fit perfectly together
the way my body leaned into his as our lips moved in and out was something to behold

but i don't miss him,
because i know the next boy i cry over will be more beautiful and our bodies will fit just a bit more and our lips;
well our lips will move the mountains and cause the ocean to roar
i don't miss him
because i just know,
i know there's a love out there waiting
and damnit i am going to find it
-kenzie