Finding My Inner Soul by: MACG

✈ FMIS (7): The Chosen One ✈

Pagkauwi ko sa bahay, dumiretso ako agad sa kwarto namin at nagkulong. Tinitigan ko yung notebook at ineksamina ito. Dalawang bagay ang bumabagabag sakin ngayon: Ang tila pagsunod sakin nito at ang maarteng boses na nagsasalita sa utak ko.

Nakaka-freakout talaga ang mga nangyayari sakin. Hindi ko alam kung pinagti-tripan ako ng tadhana o sadyang may dahilan para sa lahat ng 'to.

Nagkibit-balikat nalang ako at bumaba papunta sa likod-bahay. Nagkalat na pala mga tuyong dahon dito. Ramdam ko ang paghampas sakin ng kalmadong hangin na para bang niyayakap ako.

Sa di malamang dahilan, naisip ko bigla kung sinuman yung babaeng nagsulat sa notebook na yun. Isang malaking misteryo parin sya para sakin. Gusto ko syang makita, papaturo lang ako mag-English. Galing nya eh. Charot. Hindi, ang totoo nyan, gusto ko syang tanungin. Ano ba talagang nangyari sa kanya? Gusto ko nung buong istorya.

Oo, alam ko nang namatay ang mga magulang nya sa isang walang nagnais na aksidente. Tatay nya naman, naglalasing. Pero sapat na ba yun para maging ganun sya ka negatibo sa buhay? Ako nga, di ko talaga nakilala kung sinong totoo kong Ama eh. Mama ko naman, well, andyan parin naman sya kaya lang gabi-gabi naman syang wala dahil sa trabaho nya. Hindi ko nga alam kung anong trabaho yun. Nung dating tinanong ko kung ano yun, nagalit sya sakin. Bakit kailangan pa daw kwestyunin yun eh ang importante naman daw may naiuuwi syang pera.

Hay, ewan! Lakas maka-emo ng hangin.

'Hey.'

Ayun nanaman sya! Yung boses na yun. Pang-mayaman at sosyaling boses ng babae. Luminga-linga ako sa paligid at kinilabutan ako ulit. Mag-isa lang naman ako.

'You wanna meet me, right?'

"Sino ka ba kasi? Anong kasalanan ko sayo? Bakit mo 'ko mimumulto? Inano kita?"

Naiiyak na 'ko pero hinarap ko parin ang takot ko. Di pa kasi ako nakakakita ng multo at ayokong ito ang maging unang beses. Bata pa 'ko! Ayoko pang mamatay sa takot!

'Gosh. So OA naman. Can you keep calm? I'm not a darn ghost. Just a lost soul.'

Lost soul? Edi ganun na din yun? Tongue-inuuuh! Minumulto na nga ako! Paano? Wala naman akong third eye eh.

'No, I'm a lost soul who has an unfulfilled mission here.'

Unfulfilled mission. Lost soul. So ibig sabihin, patay na sya? Tapos... ugh! Paano?

'Before I tell you the entire details about me, I suggest you read all the entries in my notebook first. Including the embedded letter there.'

Notebook? Shzz! Sya yung may-ari ng notebook? Sabi ko na nga ba eh! May kakaiba akong pakiramdam dun kaya iniwanan ko yung sa bookshelf. Kaso.ang kulit ng lahi ng notebook na yun bumabalik parin sakin!

'That's because you're the chosen one, sweetie. I gotta go now. I'll leave you here in peace and I'll be back right after the accomplishment of your reading. Ba-bye palooza!'

Shocks. Sya si Yvonne. Sya yung may-ari ng notebook. Patay na pala sya at nakausap ko pa sya. Akswali, harmless naman sya kaso lang hindi ko maiwasang hindi matakot sa pakikipag-usap nya sakin.

The chosen one. Anong ibig sabihin nun? Ako ang pinili? Pinili saan? Sasabog na ulo sa dami kong tanong. Basahin ko na nga muna itong notebook para masagot yun isa-isa.

Bumalik ako sa bahay at nag-lagi sa sala. Naghanap ako ng komportableng pwesto at naghanda nang magbasa.

-*-*-*-

Sorry for the teardrops, shitty notebook. I just miss my Mom so much. If only she's here to listen to my pointless dramas and stories, I'd willingly spill her every single thing. But now, I'm here all alone in my room and her memory is greatly etched in my heart and mind. How many months it had been since that accident? I already lost my track of time. I guess it doesn't matter to me anymore right now.

My Dad is still a consistent drunkard. He turned worse this time. He always brushes me off while cursing whenever his eyes spot me. He stopped giving me daily allowance. He treats me as if I'm somethinn unperceptible. I'm all left with my savings which soon could be unreliable already.

Fu*k this life. Everyday is a series of unfortunate events. That stranger hasn't called me since last week. I tuned up to the new show, 'Oh My G' to atleast be uplifted from the quick sand of negativities but I realize that Sophie Cepeda and I aren't on the same situation. She has some friends and relatives who could help her, I don't have any. My so-called friends never committed an effort to keep in touch with me since I transferred school. Relatives? Gosh. They are full of sympathy yet never tries to do anything. They must've thought that I'm well taken care of at my Dad's welfare. Heck no.

SRSLY, I THOUGHT GOD EXISTS. WHERE IS HE NOW?
I'm getting drowned. I need someone to save me. Please. I need someone to hold  into.

Apparently losing my interest to basically every single damn thing,
Yvonne.

-*-*-*-

Hi again, shitty notebook.
Well, I gotta share you something,

The stranger whose name is Maze called me again and soothed my sobs with his velvety voice. I don't wanna appear as a weakling to anyone, 'cause my walls will come crashing down. But he just got into me. I shared to him my seemingly never- ending affliction and he didn't give me those sugarcoated advices but instead, he let his voice comfort the shattered feeling inside. Yes, he sang to me. Guess what song was that. Silly me. I know you won't be able to guess cause you're just nothing but a lush notebook. But really, the song was Keep Holding On by Avril Lavigne.

I can still hear his manly voice singing...

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you
I'm here for you.

My tears trickled on my cheeks like a rivulet upon hearing those lyrics from him. He made me feel that I'm not alone... that, I shouldn't give in yet. How I wished for that moment to just last forever. I don't care if he's already taken by someone else, he's the only one I have right now.

I accidentally slept with my phone on my face. But when I woke up this morning, that discreet smile escaped my lips.

Is this the start of something good in my life again? I hope so.

Inspired by that beautiful stranger,
Yvonne.

-*-*-*-

Ini-scan ko yung notebook at nakita marami-rami pa pala akong babasahin. Hinintay ko si Mama na dumating dahil dalawang araw ko na syang hindi nakikita. Nasaan na kaya sya?

Babasahin ko pa sana yung natitirang nakasulat kaso dinapuan na ko ng antok. Nilapag ko yun sa mesa sa sala at nag-ayos na 'ko sa banyo para makatulog na sa kwarto.

Bakit kaya ako ang pinili ni Yvonne? Dahil ba ako ang unang naka-kita ng notebook nya kaya ganun?

Bahala na mga. Matutulog nalang ako. Sa dami ng tanong ko ngayon sa isipan ko, sana... makatulog nga ako.