Lost

Chapter 18

Mikey sighed and looked over at his phone. The caller ID read simply 'Gee.' His brother had been calling him for some time now.
Mikey hated how Gerard thought he could get away with everything. In the band's beginning, he hadn't minded Gerard talking for him in any interviews, because he lacked the confidence to support himself fully. But now he had a boyfriend and was better at handling situations, and it just... it was annoying now.
Plus, the way he treated Frank was something Mikey could not condone. Gerard seemed to think that just meeting Lindsey and getting in a relationship with her would extinguish all feelings Frank had for him.
Mikey knew Frank still preferred Gee. He didn't blame him either. Who wouldn't like the talented, amazing Gerard Way? Who'd take the awkward, skinny, knobbly-kneed Mikey Way over that?
But anyway, Gee didn't seem to understand that he was upsetting Frank. Gee never knew when he was doing a good thing or a bad thing. He didn't care about their opinions on his alcoholism and addictions; he didn't care about Frank's extreme anxiety that he was going to kill himself. He didn't even bother to think about Mikey's guilt over not stopping him warring with a feeling of hypocrisy that he had.
Mikey and Ray had grown close during those times, as Ray seemed to understand that it wasn't just the alcoholic who needed help. Ray was the only one who'd noticed Mikey's distress and done something about it.
They'd never done anything more than sleep in the same bed when Mikey's emotions decided to give him a mental breakdown at three in the morning. But Mikey knew that at one point, Ray had wanted to do more.
Apparently some people found Mikey cute? Mikey didn't understand that. But he guessed that being cute meant he was endearing; whereas Gerard's "hotness" as they called it was very obvious and much more appealing.
But Ray hadn't wanted Gerard. Ray had wanted Mikey. Of course, he'd eventually gotten over the crush and was now going out with women (though to be honest they were women who looked a little like Mikey).
And then there was Frank.
Frank, who was so defensive of Mikey when Gerard left. Frank, who never left his side out of worry. Frank, who was scared that Mikey would kill himself. Frank, who made the best coffee and found the best beanies for Mikey to wear.
Mikey loved him. Mikey loved him so much it wasn't fair. But he knew he'd never be as good as Gerard. He knew Frank would prefer the other Way. He'd seen those Frerard shippers saying that he was the 'wrong Way'. He'd been thinking that all his life, and they were only confirming it. Of course he was the wrong one. Of course Gerard was better.
It hurt.
He sighed and ran a hand through his unwashed hair. It caught a few tangles and he winced as he tugged them out. He was sitting on Frank's bed, waiting for the man to come home from getting food.
Mikey was just a stupidly loyal dog who'd obey anyone who yelled loudly enough at him. He'd especially obey Frank, and he had a bad habit of obeying Gee as well.
Mikey chewed his lip. He missed Ray. Ray was his best buddy, and the guy Mikey usually turned to when he was distraught. They'd always been close. Mikey remembered when Ray used to tease him about the way he wore his glasses; then they met Frank and it was Frank who teased him, but the teasing sounded like flirting and it confused Mikey to no end, because no one could ever love the awkward screw up that he was.
Gerard called again. Then sent two texts. Then called.
Mikey wearily turned his phone on and looked at the texts:
Gee: you okay bro??
Gee: Mikes, we need to talk.
Gee: you there?
Mikey sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. This time when Gerard called, he answered it meekly.
"Mikey!" Gerard's distorted voice was yelling. Again. Mikey sighed and rested his chin on his palm.
"Yes?" he asked quietly.
"I've been calling for ages! Why weren't you picking up?"
Mikey decided to be honest. "I don't want to talk to you."
His brother paused. "What?"
"I don't want to talk to you," Mikey repeated. "I'm angry with you and emotionally unstable so I don't need your shit too."
Gee went quiet again. "What's wrong?" he asked eventually.
Mikey almost laughed. What was wrong? Was his brother that oblivious?
"Nothing." The word came out of his mouth before he could stop it and sounded unconvincing.
"Oh, really?" Mikey could almost see the frown on Gee's face. "It doesn't sound like nothing."
"Well maybe I'm a little annoyed that my brother decided he didn't want me around him anymore," Mikey snapped, his temper boiling over for once. "And maybe I want him to notice how upset I am for once."
"Mikey–"
"When you were sober, you didn't even think about how much you hurt me!" Mikey wanted to punch his brother. He didn't know where this anger was coming from. "I had to rely on Ray! Frank was busy helping you, and you always hurt him, Gee; you hurt us and you take us for granted and I'm sick of it!"
Gee was silent again.
"And maybe I don't want to be the stupid, untalented younger brother to the amazing Gerard Way. Maybe I want peace."
He took a deep breath, shaking.
"You really think I don't love you?" Gerard sounded heartbroken. "You're my baby brother. I'd love you no matter what."
"You abandoned me," Mikey hissed.
"Yeah." Gee sounded genuinely regretful. "I did." Mikey heard him sigh. "I hate myself for it. I hate that it's my fault you had a heart attack. I heard they're releasing Ray soon, so I'll apologize to him then."
Mikey didn't understand what he was hearing. Gerard was... apologizing?
"And don't ever think you're stupid or untalented! You're better than me at guitar! And, to be honest, you're a bit of incentive to keep Ray with us."
"Ray loves the band," Mikey pointed out, shifting uncomfortably.
"I saw the way he used to  look at you. I know he loved you too."
"Yeah, well now Frank does," Mikey mumbled, uneasy with the topic of conversation. Ray was his friend, and he didn't like thinking about when Ray loved him.
Seriously, was everyone in the band secretly gay?
Well, with Gerard, everyone could tell immediately, but not so much with the others.
Mikey chewed his lip. "Everyone knows you're our parents' favorite. You aren't the college dropout."
"Well, you're my favorite baby brother, and that'll never change."
"I'm your only brother."
"Shush." Gerard sighed. "Take care, Mikes. I have to go."
"I will." Mikey chewed his lip some more. "You take care too," he added lamely.
"Of course I will."
Gee hung up.
Mikey sighed and put his phone down, looking out of the window.
He both hated and loved Gee.
It was very confusing.
He began to absently chew at his thumb's nail, before looking up as Frank entered. The other man looked tired and energyless as he flopped onto the bed and groaned.
"Stupid cashier at the stupid store wouldn't let me buy the stupid fucking food."
Mikey softly ran a hand through Frank's hair. "Why not?"
"Wanted an autograph. Do you know how annoying it is trying to get your food and just get back to your Mikey and then this girl's screeching at you to sign her arm?"
"No," Mikey mumbled. "No one knows who I am. And I wouldn't want to get back to Mikey if I were you."
Frank sighed. "You were deprecating yourself, weren't you?"
"Yes," Mikey mumbled. "Why do you kiss me?"
Frank sat up and clambered onto his lap, kneeling so that for once Mikey had to look up at him.
"Because you're Mikey Fuckin' Way," he smiled, "and I love Mikey Fuckin' Way."