A Forbidden Practice ( Gray x reader)

"Home Sweet Home"

(Y/N POV)

My stomach churned as the train made its way down the tracks. What was I thinking? It's like getting out of a bear trap and then shoving your foot right back in it. I looked out the window at the scenery flying by. I found myself trying to fall a sleep to the soft noises of the train to pass the long ride a little faster.

My eyes opened slowly as announcement played over the speakers. I realized it was my stop and jumped up. I grabbed my bag from the over head compartment and straightened my outfit. I held my held high with false confidence as I walked off the large train. I looked around the familiar station and a small smile crossed my features. It was nostalgic. Sure I had some bad memories, but they weren't all bad.

"(Y/N)? You look just like your mother" I turned and my breath slightly hitched as I faced my dad. "Dad.." I swallowed the lump in my throat as his arms wrapped around me. I froze. I felt tears prick my eyes. 'Maybe he has changed...' I thought to myself. I wanted it to be true. He let me go after a minute and smiled. I can barely remember him ever smiling. "I was starting to think you weren't going to come until I heard your train was running behind schedule." His eyes looked tired and his black hair was peppered with white hairs. "Sorry, I should have called. I fell asleep..." I smiled sheepishly and looked at the setting sky.

I looked out the window of the car. A heavy silence had fallen over us as Dad drove us back to the home where most of my memories took place. "Are you hungry? I can stop and get you something before we get home." He sounded like her cared, but the words 'when we get home.' stuck. "No, I'm fine." I looked down to my phone for a distraction, hoping Gray would text me. 'He is probably mad at me after I kicked him out and left without telling him why.' I sighed and cut my phone off.

Once we got back 'home' I called it a night and went to my old room. I could tell Dad wanted to talk but I knew I wouldn't like where it went. I flipped on the light and closed the door. It was exactly like I left it.

A sad smile crossed my face as I slowly went over everything. I started with my old photo albums. I flipped through them, the emotional damn broke and I cried. I held my hand over my mouth to muffle my sobs. I cried over the past, over the things I did wrong, over the moments I missed, everything. I slid down the wall and put my head on my knees, wishing someone was there to comfort me. The loneliness was smothering. I longed for the feeling of Gray holding me, comforting me. I found myself wishing for him to be beside me.

I woke up in the floor, still in my clothes from when I got off the train. I stretched out and changed into a clean outfit. I walked down the hall and stopped at the corner. Taking a deep breath, I turned the corner to see Dad making breakfast. "Morning, (Y/n)." I grabbed an apple from the table and slightly smiled. "Good morning, I'm going to go a head to the hospital." He looked a little surprised, "Oh, alright. You can take your mother's car if you'd like." He offered, a hint of sadness hid behind his eyes when I said I wasn't staying for breakfast. 'Sorry, and no thanks, I will just take a cab." I said as I walked out.

The chemical smell of the waiting room wafted through my nostrils as I waited for the nurse to tell me I could go in.

' "(Y/n), you need to be careful. This is the third time you have been in here." The doctor said as he grabbed a brace from his drawer. "It looks to be just a sprain, but tell me. How did you do it this time?" I threw a quick glance at my mom, who was giving me 'the look'. "I tripped and tried to catch myself." It wasn't a complete lie. He pulled up my long sleeve and saw the bruise on my fore arm. "And this?" I pulled my sleeve back down. "I play sports, you know get some bruises here and there." '

I thought about high school, parents forcing me to play a high contact sport to disguise the bruises when people ask.

"Ms. (L/n), your mother is ready for visitation." A young nurse poked her head into the waiting room and informed me. Thanking her, I made my way to to the hospital room. I stood at the door, working up the courage to open it. I closed my eyes and counted to three. I walked through and looked over at the bed. Even though she looked frail and her skin was a sickly shade, she was still beautiful. "Hello, Mom." I said as I sat in the chair beside her bed.

"(Y/n), I'm so glad you came. I though for sure you wouldn't after what I said to you back then." Her voice was the same, only raspier. "I didn't like how we ended things the last time we were together and I figured this was a good enough time." I chose my words carefully, not wanting to upset her. I hated how much I still cared. "So, what's wrong with you?" I questioned, breaking the silence that had started to fall over us. She had tears in her eyes, "My kidney ruptured and my liver isn't functioning like it's supposed to... I don't have much time left you know. I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for everything I did." I was shocked. I had never heard her apologize for anything. "I should have been there for you more, I was such a lousy mother." She let out a slightly laugh.

We talked for what felt like forever. She wanted me to tell her everything that I had done in the four years I was gone. She just listened as I told my stories. It felt foreign for her to make attempts to take an interest in anything I had to say. It was a little after lunch when she started to doze off. "I'm going to go get some food down in the cafeteria and let you get some rest, okay?" She smiled and nodded. As I opened the door and was about to walk out, she stopped me. "Wait, (Y/n)." I looked back at her. "Yes?"

"I love you."

I smiled, "I love you too, Mom."