Never Love An English

Wednesday

Be Karkat Vantas:

I ran outside as the bell for recess rang. I looked for Jade. I couldn't see her sitting. So I walked closer to her tree, I saw a small crowd hidden in the tree's shadow. Bright yellow caution tape, something hanging from the tree, and five white envelopes stuck to the bark.

My heart stopped when I saw, Jade's older brother, Jake running over. Along with who I assume is her mother. Their faces almost as pale as mine. A police officer hugged the woman as she cried. Jake came over to another officer, "may my mother and I take our notes?" He asked. The officer nodded, ripping the ones titled "mom" and "Jake " off the tree and handing them over.

I saw one with my name on it. "Umm, that one, it has my name on it." I told a reporter. They gave the note to me. "You must've ment a lot to her, sorry for your loss." They said.

I read it over.

"You got your wish."

"Are you happy now?"

"I have no greater wish, than to have you see what you've done to me."

I felt tears on my face.

"I'm truly dead, and it's mostly your fault."

I started to whimper. I-i-i caused this... It's all my fault... her mother and brother, her family. They're all heart broken, because of me...

I found Dave out wandering.

"Woah dude, you look like you just saw a murder and your face with a wanted poster." Dave said.

Most tears fell down my face. "I did..." I handed him the note. I fell to the ground. How do I live on, knowing I'm a murderer?

Dave sat down next to me. "It'll be okay man." He said, rubbing my hand. I hugged him, tear staining his shirt. Dave got this a lot from his friends, he saw his tear stained shirts as battle scars. Something he was envious of, knowing he never showed emotions. He looked among his shirts, knowing who had cried on which. Wondering what scar he'd wear one day, and who he'd comfort the next.

Dave hugged me back. But he pulled away, pointing to someone.

"Hello, so I see you're Karkat. I know you don't know me. I'm Jade's mother. Jade told me a few times of how much of a jerk you are. I said boys will be boys. Because I knew young boys are all trouble making jerks. Then I met you today. You found out it was your fault, and cried. Bet you'll never do that again, huh. I hope you know I'll be speaking with your mother. I saw the bruises, the cuts, the blood, and the suicide you've caused. And honestly, I never saw this coming from two second graders. One to kill herself and the other to make her do it. I hope you redeem yourself, and use your life wisely. You're lucky that you're young, I would've sent you to jail for the rest of your life. I went through hell to make sure she was happy, I stayed married to a man I hated, I got a dog that I'm allergic to, I never got a job because I loved her so much and wanted her to be the best she could be. I waited years, and tried and tried, before my body ever recovered enough to let me have another child. And after 7 years of raising her, it all went into the trash because of you. I hope you know how many lives you've destroyed. No one should ever have to see their child, sibling, or anyone they care for, hanging on a rope by their neck because of some jerk at their school. How would you like to have a sister who was torchered like you torchered her? How would you like to see your daughter hanging from a tree, and not even get to say goodbye..."

I cried, tears fell down my face. I was gonna say sorry, but I knew it'd do nothing in a situation like this. The woman walked off in tears, her son following behind her.

The next morning over the intercom, the principal read off Jade's note to the school. Her father died last month.. her mother had to deal with her daughter and her husband dieing, all in the same year...

How will I live with the guilt?

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