Never Love An English

Bow Down, World

Be Jade:

Second day of second grade, wonderful. I sat at my desk early in the morning as usual. Waiting for the bell to ring. I draw a picture of some flowers.

Recess again, I sit in the field. I watch as Karkat and his partner Dave come up to me.

"Wait dude, you didn't tell me they were a girl. Beatin' up girls ain't cool." Dave says.

"Boy, girl, it doesn't matter. You said you were in, now help me beat her." Karkat said.

"Man, I promised I'd never do that to a girl. You told me that she was a guy who jumped you on the street. I only beat up guys that deserve it. English ain't like that. I'm not gonna beat her up." Dave said.

"I guess I'll mark you for a beat down later. I'll take her myself." Karkat said, coming towards me.

"Whatever." Dave said, walking the opposite direction.

Karkat laughed as I stood up. But at this point, I didn't care. He punched and kicked me, pulled my hair, I didn't care.

"Ugh, just go kill yourself already!!!" He shouted at me.

I got home, I thought about what he'd said. I really didn't have anything to live for. My father gone, people torchering me, what purpose did I have here?

Be Jake:

I sat in my bed, coughing and watching some YouTube video. It's 10pm, mother is asleep. I hear footsteps walking through the hallway. I get up, opening the door slightly. I see Jade, she's carrying something. I can't really tell in the darkness. I heard a small clank. I walked slowly downstairs. I followed close behind as she walked out of the house. She seemed to be heading to the school. We passed Janey's house. I could see her staring at me through the window. I shrugged at her and continued following Jade.

We got to Jade's school. She stopped walking when she got to a tree in the field.

Be Jade:

I sat my chair next to the tree I'd always sat under at recess. I tied a rope around a branch as I stood on the chair. I sat down then started to write. I brought four papers and one mechanical pencil.

"Dear dad,
I know you'll never read this. I know you aren't proud of me if you can see me from where you are now. I can't handle the attacks anymore. People telling me to go die. This world isn't the place for me. People harassing me and calling me trash. I love you, just know you were my world.
Love Jade English"

I wiped away some tears and then put it in an envelope and stuck it to the tree.

"Dear mom,
I know how hard you worked just to help me exist. I know you loved me, I loved you to. Thanks for giving me joy on every birthday, and loving me so much. You fought for everything you have. But I'm a lover not a fighter, and this world just wasn't the place for me. I love you mom.
Love Jade English"

"Dear Jake,
I know I just got you back on my birthday. This isn't your fault, the world around me is the one to blame. Along with these awful people at my school. I made this choice on my own to do what I've done. Please place my note to father on his grave. Tell him I'll be seeing him soon. I love you Jake, you were a great brother.
Love Jade English"

I wiped away more tears and started writing the last note.

"Dear students of Alternia Elementary school,
I would like you to read this over the intercom after you find me here.

You children are the very reason for why I did what I did, don't leave flowers to pity me. You are the reason why this world is not the place for me. You made me sadder than anyone should ever be. Almost sadder than I was when my dad died last month. Telling me to kill myself didn't help.
Love Jade English"

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"Dear Karkat Vantas,
You got your wish. Are you happy now? I'm truly dead, and it's mostly your fault. How was it seeing my body hanging from my tree? I know we are the 2 first classes outside, the administration would be the third to find out. You being the second, my brother being first. You got your wish, are you happy? Did you smile at my body hanging there? I hope that the principal gave this to you personally, or you ripped it off the tree yourself. Because I have no greater wish, than to have you see what you've done to me.
Love Jade English"

I tear the paper in half, putting them in different envelopes. I write the names of the receivers of each envelope on their fronts, sticking them all to the tree. It's time, I'm all set.

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