Broken

Chapter 7

As I leave Derek's office, I see Nathaniel by the door. His arms were crossed and his eyes were focused but glassy.

I don't say anything as I walk past him. He grabs my arm.

"I really need to talk to you Aria"

"I have nothing to say" I pull my arm back and walk away, he starts walking behind me

"Aria, you don't have to say anything, I just want you to listen to me"

He grabs my arm, and this time I let him pull me up the stairs to his room.

"I want to talk to you about my parents"

I nod my head, he sits me on his bed, and grabs a chair. He sits down and has his elbows on his knees with his hands on his face, he sighs in frustration.

He gets up, and starts pacing back and forth,

"Aria, I don't know how to start telling you how much my parents are completely clueless. They use to be proud of me Aria, I use to make my parents proud. Ever since Gabby died, they've been distant and out of it, they stopped treating some of their patients"

I processed this, he was being neglected, probably emotionally abused too.

"It's all my fault, I killed our family, my parents hate me"

He's not thinking rationally, his parents love him, I guess. I haven't seen them talking during the last few dinners, in fact no one talks at the dinner table.

"They don't know anything about what I've done, or what I'm doing"

"You need help Nathaniel, to get better"

"What if I don't want to get better?"

I don't want to get better either, all I know is it's hard now, it's only going to get harder.

He finally sits down, right next to me. He looks into my eyes, his are glassy, and then tears stream down his eyes as he looks away. I can see he's hurt, and in pain, his family is all he has got now.

I grab his hand and squeeze it gently, he turn himself as he grabs my other hand.

"When I first heard that you were coming to live with us, I got so angry, and frustrated, I told them you were going to be just like gabby, that eventually she'll kill herself in that same bathtub, bleeding her life out, they took drastic measures, making sure that that won't happen again. Aria, I fell for you the minute I saw you, my feelings get out of control around you, you make me feel grounded and human, I'm so lost without you"

He shouldn't fall for me, he can't, and I will make sure he won't, because one day, I'll kill myself and one day he will too just to be with me, I can't let it happen.

"Don't, please don't Nathaniel, you're in pieces, I'm in pieces, we can't share our pain with each other, we're broken, torn apart, and mended back together. Don't you see that you can't fall for me? You can't because you'll be so broken by the pain, that you'd do something horrible, and that's not what I want"

He looks so deep in my eyes, I swear the colour in his eyes got brighter, and more alive,

"Just tell me you feel the same, tell me if this doesn't affect you"

He brings his face closer, and tilts his head, he stops, an inch away. He looks into my eyes, can he see how much I don't want this to hurt him? Can he see how much I want him too? Please let him see that I don't want no part of his pain, I don't want to hurt him, because he'll hurt me too.

"Aria?"

"Yes"

"I-"

"Don't say anything"

"Wha-"

"I'm leaving"

I get up, and head for the door

"Ari-"

The door slams shut before I can hear the pain in his voice when he cries my name. He's full of hate and love, which will give in? Which will conquer? His love or his hate?