Broken

Chapter 10

I'm not surprised I don't remember a thing from this morning, but it's coming back,

"What happened? Why are you here? Why did I sleep for so long? Why does my head hurt?"

I reach up to my forehead and touch the little bandage, blurry images of someone carrying my into the kitchen and then carrying me back up stairs.

I look up at Nathaniel, it was him all along.

"You took quite a fall, you hit your head here" he pointed to the nightstand

"Your forehead hit the corner of the nightstand, it would explain the little cut on your forehead"

"When did this all happen? I barely remember anything and how did you know I fell?" I asked as I tried to get out of bed, I was about to push myself off the bed when Nathaniel stopped me and said,

"No, you can't get out of bed, you probably have a concussion, you kept blacking out on me when I was trying to help, and uh I saw it on the camera"

I thought there wasn't any cameras in. My room, so much for privacy,

"Oh, okay"

His cheeks turned pink,

"Yeah um I should, uh, go"

"No wait, stay, tell me what happened"

I just wanted him to stay for a little while,

"Sure uh I was in the surveillance room, just for fun, I wasn't spying on you or anything"

He blushed

"So yeah um you jumped out of bed, and it looked like you had a nightmare or something, and you tripped while getting out of bed, then your forehead hit the nightstand, I rushed out of the room and next thing I see was you at the door, you got up pretty quick"

I tried to remember the dream, but it's not coming back to me, I never had a dream where I woke up from, I usually had to go the through them, this dream must have been pretty bad.

"Thank you, for the bandage" I said, I didn't know what else to say,

"It's no problem"

I lied back into bed and stared at the ceiling,

"Well i guess I'll just leave"

He got up from the chair, "I'll tell everyone you're up now, so they don't worry"

"Wait"

He turns to look at me,

"Stay here till I fall asleep?"

"Okay"

He sits back down in the chair, I lay back, and stare at the ceiling, I'm obviously not going to fall back asleep but I can't help it, I want him to stay.

I slowly blink, I check the time it's 2:35pm, Nathaniel's not in his chair anymore, I sit up and I instantly see stars. After a couple seconds they're gone, and I slowly try to get out of bed, fortunately I don't get the dizzy feeling and I start heading for the door.

I'm heading down the stairs and I see Sunny at the bottom of the stairs, sitting on the steps,

"Oh good, you're up, let's head to the kitchen, to get something for you to eat"

I nod, I wonder where everyone is, I take a peek at the living room, I see James, he standing near the entry way from the living room to the kitchen. He doesn't notice me.

Derek and Rosalie seem to be in deep conversation, and then I hear his voice,

"I just wanted to help, she asked me to stay up there with her"

"Your father didn't ask you to watch over her, she's unstable, you have to be careful around her" Rosalie's words crash into my head, oh, is that what she really thinks of me?

"He's not my father, just because you married him doesn't make him my father!" Nathaniel starts shouting

"Now Nathaniel, I've been trying to help, I know you've never had a real father figure before, but let me help you"

"I don't want your help, nor do i need it"

i watch him get up from the leather couch, and walk towards my direction. he stops mid-way and looks at me in surprise,

"uh, Aria? did you listen to all that?"

"uh Nathaniel, i did, most of it"

i see everyone turn to me in surprise,

"Look Aria-" Derek tries to explain,

"save it, i knew i was a charity case to you the minute you set eyes on me"

Derek looks so familiar for some reason, but i cant seem to hold the memory for too long. It was way before i met him though.

i groan in frustration,

"you know, i never asked for this, i didnt want some family, i didnt need one, im perfectly fine on my own"

im close to tears, i feel my eyes water, i turn and head for the stairs, into my room. I slowly blink away the tears.

Why is it so hard for me to cry?

I'm just so empty

Hollow

Blank

Void

Abandoned

I'm just so Dead

I refuse to explain how much pain i was in, the agony of it all, my life, future, family is all taken a way by my depression, it has taken what was whole inside me, and left me bitter, cold, and empty inside. It's inside me like a plague, a diease. It englufs me, puts me in a cage, and squeezes me till i cant breathe anymore. I've stopped living, i've stopped existing.

What is there to do now that I'm sad for no reason?

Nothing, because there is nothing you can do to make your self feel better.

What if you find someone you love?

How terrible is it to find that that someone will soon be touched by death? everyone dies, yet life goes on with our without that person, with or without you. We swear to end our lives once we no longer feel any love, and i don't. Sometimes you only feel it, when it's gone, when it just leaves an empty space in your heart, in you.

Words cannot begin to define the pain I'm in, yet I don't cut at the moment, yet I don't cry, that's when the thoughts of death, suicide, and the crushing pain, begins to set in my mind. The thoughts that I wish could disappear, just come rushing back. The haunting memories I never wanted to see ever, come rushing back. All the pain I've been holding in, has now returned. Now I want to die, now I want to kill myself.