Dear Evan Hansen x reader one shots

"We all make mistakes" Connor x reader (plus slight poly!Evan x reader x Zoe)

(Art is not is not mine)
Warnings:mentions of suicidal thoughts, drug use, self harm and !!Polyamory!!
(Part one of two)
~*word count: 2100+*~

(Reader's POV)

I run out the Murphy household fighting back the tears trying to comprehend what I had just witnessed "Y/n wait let me fucking explain" "No...just...no" I couldn't stand to look at him, so I ran as fast as my legs could take me until I made it home. I ran into my house and was not surprised that my nostrils were invaded by the scent of weed and alcohol, as I took in the familiar aroma I am reminded of the boy who I once thought loved me.

I ran up to my room and started crying into my pillow I couldn't take the pain, there's just too much of it in this world. But ,somehow Connor always made me forget about it , I just want it to stop, I just felt like I was floating outside of my body looking down at myself and I honestly hate what I see, so with those thoughts in mind I reached for the blade that I haven't touched since I met Connor and let it glide across my skin.

(Connor's POV)

I ran after my belovéd, acknowledging what thoughts could have been racing through her mind, at the same time knowing my own feelings and thoughts. "Y/n let me fucking explain" I cried out and pleaded for her to return and allow me to clear up the misconception that invaded her thoughts. Before I could go on any further though she silenced me and said "no...just...no." I felt my heart shatter when I realized she wasn't willing to give me a second chance. I saw her running away and I couldn't believe that she saw an opportunity to leave me and took it.

I had always figured she'd leave me because she would one day realize that she was too good for me, but when she left in tears, I knew that she left me thinking that I was fucking around with Juliet and not what I think she'd leave me for. I went back into my house and felt nothing but emptiness and sorrow. Before I met y/n, I felt like I didn't have a place in the world, I didn't belong, I was just the freak at school that smoked pot and I hadn't cared about what would happen to me.

I was planning actually planning on killing myselfthe night before I met y/n but remembered I didn't have a single object in my household to assist with my suicide so I went to bed and dreaded what I thought I knew tomorrow's events would bring for me. When I had arrived the next day though I saw her and in all honesty thought she wasn't real. Later that day she approached me and I fell in love her, every little detail that made her who she was, made me even more love with y/n. It was only when she was at my house for the hundreth time I made a move. Ever since that day we had been inseparable but now that she had left me I had almost felt like the will to live has been lost in my psyche.

Juliet came up to me and struck a seductive pose as if she'd succeed in what she already failed doing once before. I never wanted to hurt someone as bad as I wanted to hurt Juliet. I stared at her blankly "Juliet get out of my house..." She looked at me with a hurt expression "Connor why are you being like this? We still have to work on our assignment, and besides wouldn't you rather see what it's like to be with a woman instead of a girl?".

She finished her statement and I saw the corner of her mouth turn up, she smirked at me. "I don't fucking care about the godamn project! You're a whore that ruined my relationship!". She scoffed "you mean to tell me that you'd choose her over me?! Do you realize that every other guy at school would kill for this to be happening to them?" "Well I guess I'm not every other guy, am I?". Juliet looked at me in pure shock "Connor I know that you don't mean that, now how about we start back up where we left off?" I couldn't take it anymore and grabbed her arm harshly dragging her towards my front door so that I could just make her leave me alone.